Everyday, i never stop thinking about you
Everyday, your always with me
Never will, I forget about you
Never will, I betray you
Day after day, we talk
Talking all day, and we sit there
just wondering, what will come next
What will he or she say?
I am thinking, about you all the time
your on my mind time after time
and then i realize, that your not with me
and i wonder, what will happen
to you and me...
It's 15 Till And She Has The Other 45 In Her Mouth.
Hi'Ya Dilly
First of all , have you posted this in the right place ?
If so what assignment was it for ?
my title would be something like " Shortness" because it is very very short and left me wondering what the hell did I just read ?
No real story no ending
sorry but it just don't cut it for me
cheers
Aghhhh
Not only am I a senior citizen
I'm now a bloody senior member
Are you people trying to tell me I'm old or what ?
over 700 posts ( I really do need to get out more )
OOPS SORRY I THOUGHT I WAS IN S S G
BUT YOUR SONG STILL DON'T CUT IT FOR ME
Aghhhh
Not only am I a senior citizen
I'm now a bloody senior member
Are you people trying to tell me I'm old or what ?
over 700 posts ( I really do need to get out more )
Hey DD,
You have a good start here but it needs to be developed some. Needs a chorus.
It seemed to jump to the "Your'e not here" part too quick.
Seems like you should build it up a little more and then start to transition it to the person not being there in a bridge or something.
Good idea...just put a little more meat to it.
I don't think I'm a lot dumber than you think that I thought I once was - White Goodman (Dodgeball)
i forgot to post that its not done :? ... otherwise thanks i think?
It's 15 Till And She Has The Other 45 In Her Mouth.
i like it a lot. but i always like your songs. day after day would be a good title.
Oh I'm gonna buy this place and start a fire/ Stand here until I hear all your heart's desires/
/Because I'm gonna buy this place and see it burn/ And do back all it did to you in return - Coldplay
DD,
Look forward to the completed one.
I think you have a real good start!
I don't think I'm a lot dumber than you think that I thought I once was - White Goodman (Dodgeball)
I got some ideas for this. the song isn't finished right? You could explain why she isn't there with you, whether it's physically or whether it's that you two are no longer in a relationship. Give something to make you realise that you are alone. Something like:
I am always there for you.
I am always listening to your words.
You don't show that you're there for me.
I speak but my voice is never heard.
Or something like that. I hope to see the finished song here on the forum!
You said you needed a title, right? I like 'Day after Day' myself. You don't have to use words in the song. Try to remember what you were thinking of when you wrote this song. Maybe that will spring up an idea. Only you know what this song is really about, so you should come up with a name for it.
See ya!!!
There's a thin fine line between hate and rage.
Now watch the line be crossed and break!
omg so many good ideas... just cause you guys are so good and supportive i will use Day By Day... and i'll take into consideration of what you said... i like the stanza you gave me
It's 15 Till And She Has The Other 45 In Her Mouth.
"To Wonder is to Remind"
...would be my 2cents for a title...
...I know it gives this all a third person view...
NO MORE THEORY!!
um...
KNOW MORE THEORY!!!!
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motz
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