Okay, I was meant to be writing for the assignment in the SSG this week. :roll: My original chorus had radio in it somewhere, it just didn't sound right, so I tried this instead. I was going to stick in radio to a verse but that was a cop-out so yeh.. posted here. I've tried to make a more cohesive story here, as that was a problem with my last few.
Maybe I should add a another verse :P Thoughts?
Johnny was just seventeen
When he suffered a heart attack
His heart was ripped out beating
And left on that old train track
The girl next door, he never knew
Wanted his last name
But Johnny's heart had already gone
Vacation, by train
The feelings inside they never died
Oh no, they remain
And Johnny is still listening
Still waiting for the day
And time,
Time we have to let go
All, All the broken pieces
And time,
Time we have to let go
All, All the broken pieces
And time,
Time we have to let go
All, All the broken pieces
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=941315
^ It's 'Broken Pieces' in that link
I like it.
Another verse?
How about
And Johnny's ghost is haunting her
She sees him in her dreams
And when he smiles at her
She wakes up with a scream
It's the rock that gives the stream its music . . . and the stream that gives the rock its roll.
Hey Jay,
Good start :D
I can't tell if you are going for a literal (like Stephen King or Freddy Krueger)or figurative (broken heart) point of view for vs 1.
I am also not sure where the title fits in....broken pieces....his life? his death? her life that never started with him? her life without him?
Suggestion:
Go for finishing another verse...
...If you wanted to go for the ghost angle and fit in radio, you could move off the train tracks to some highway....like highway 666 or a junction of a highway and railroad crossing and then anytime the girl or someone drives that road or crosses that railroad on the road at a certain time of day or once a year....Johnny's voice can be heard on the radio or favorite song or message is sent about how he was wrongly murdered etc....
Thanks for the heads up on where you were posting this week....I say follow the muse where ever she leads you....she can be fickle with her visits and doesn't like to be ignored :?
James
PS Is it me or do you have a thing for trains? I think this is the 3rd? song around a train idea :roll: ...ok maybe 2nd :wink:
Heh, 2nd about trains, not sure why, this one is better though.
Thanks for the comments, and nice verse suggestion, I'll add some more tomorrow :)
....I say follow the muse where ever she leads you....
Good advice there. One thing to bear in mind, you could just have easily posted this in the SSG, however tenuous the link to the original assignment - the whole point of the SSG is to get you THINKING about songwriting, and if you get to write a song after reading one of the assignments, no matter how far away from the original intent, that's still a result - you wrote a new song! THAT'S what it's all about!
:D :D :D
Vic
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
