hear it calling

hurricane,

nice job on this...I like it. A few things though..

the 1st verse doesn't seem to flow to me ...maybe just some minor adjustments like...

"im years older now and
wiser i thought
in that all ive accumulated
I still dont know what ive got
try to evaluate this life im living
while clouded by fear
but I know my one wish
is just to have you here"

....just my suggestion. I'm not sure if it would fit with the melody and what not.

It seems to me like this song needs some closure or something more in the "plot" (it left me with a lot of questions brewing in my head). Maybe add a verse or switch the chorus around a little more to end the story. Does the person in the song ever make it right? do they give up on trying to? and why did this person leave such a void in the other persons life?

I really like the lines
"world seems like a carousel
and im the centre post"

"i gave you my innocence wrapped up in a bow "
^thoes are great

again, nice job

Sally

thanks for the critique, can see where you're coming from with the plot suggestion does leave a lot to the listener to think on.

maybe put in another verse or two to deal with that and tie it together.

ehh to answer your queery yes the person in question (me) did make it right and isnt sitting awake in the middle of the night.

thanks again for your comments, i know that i dont really say to much on anybody elses songs, just want to get an idea of how my works progressing. but i'll make an effort to look over your work.

cheers

glad to hear the person in question (you) is now sleeping soundly :D

Just comment others' lyrics as you see fit or whenever you get the time..no need to stress over it.

and I think your stuff is progressing real good ...keep at it.

Sally