i know and see your pain
ive felt it all before
the rain comes down at your door
ive seen it all 100 times before
your only friend has gone agian
Chorus
here it is again
that taste sweet bitterness
lost my only friend
and loose your last
battle to bring her nack again
how we fall from grace
and if i greet you with a smile
will you stop the noise
that screams at me
the sun sets in the hills
far away from here
will you take me there
as night draws in
the lonley road
doesnt feel so good no more
Chorus
your lost i cant find you
tell me what should i do
guide me to a clearing where everything
is set in stone
Chorus
Hi'a and welcome to guitar noise..............
I would try to put this song in the 3rd person so you can picture it from another persons point of view. With very personal songs this works very well for me.
At the moment although it has a good story line and a fair meter and pattern structure, it doesn't do much for me as it stands, just another sad love song.
Try to paint me a picture, make me feel what the person is feeling, or see what they are seeing, make it stand out as something more than a sad love song.
I know and see your pain ( tell me how you know )
ive felt it all before
the rain comes down at your door
ive seen it all 100 times before
your only friend has gone agian
Chorus
here it is again
that taste sweet bitterness ( what tastes do you visualize when you wrote this line )lost my only friend
and loose your last
battle to bring her back again
how we fall from grace
I hope to read a rewrite soon !!!!!! and remember this is just my 10c worth, I'm no expert here
go well
Ja'mir
I am a cloud within a cloud http://www.justjamir.com
you can hear my songs at :
