Hey so Ive written this song and while there are some parts im delighted with there are others im really not happy with and i'm looking for any opinions or suggestions about how to improve it. any feedback at all is appreciated!
MOMENTS
Ben Rowe
Verse 1:
Step out from the treeline
and into a dream
the lights have come south
the red and the green
pumped through the sky like blood in syringe
stand like pillars of salt our minds kicked from the hinge
Chorus:
Don't blame the eyes you closed for the things they missed
cold flame disguised as a rose smell it I insist
It's a simple choice my friend
to live or just exist
verse 2:
perch on the keystone
gaze out to sea
the waves whisper gently
of the shores they have seen
charcoal turns to wood smoke as the seasons they change
now two places at once in the strangest of range
CHORUS
verse 3:
sit silently guarding
this mount of sand
this time and this place
the freedom of no plan
this drum is your anchor of this there's no doubt
skip a beat float away and take your place in the clouds
CHORUS
verse 4:
forest floor accepts you
and your company
the sun sings its swansong
through the breaks in the leaves
fire falls victim to its own energy
blades of moonlight guide the smoke on its final retreat
CHORUS
"The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side."
Kind of heavy on the metaphors. I don't know what the "pillars of salt" are in the first verse.
Renee
