this is my first post here, tell me what you think.
constructive critisism most welcome.
verse
shes as old as me again
that didnt matter now or then
i tried not to fall in love
but you didnt help me with that
verse
we hid away at first
nobody knew about it but us
secret smiles in the corridor
steal kisses behind the door
chorus
midweek rendezvous
couldnt wait to get to you
passion running high
never want to say goodbye
verse
when we fell in love
was white like a newborn dove
promises i made to you
i've kept them to this day
verse
one on one we were always great
their opinions left a bitter taste
they didnt know about our wednesday night
didnt know that it was real
chorus
midweek rendezvous
couldnt wait to get to you
passion running high
never want to say goodbye
verse
cant sleep since you went away
awke i always stay
i still see your face
and it lights up this place
verse
dont know where this will go
just know that i miss you so
and if you miss me to
i'll come running back to you
chorus
midweek rendezvous
couldnt wait to get to you
passion running high
never got to say goodbye.
goodbye.
And i'll tell it and think it and speak it and breathe it and reflect it from the mountain so all souls can see it.- Bob Dylan,a hard rains gonna fall
this is good, it's fairly plain, and very concrete, but there are worse things, and you have kept away from most of them
the first line I noticed was
nobody knew about it but us
that doesn't move from word to word well, if you want to sing something, you wanna avoid line like this where the mixture of off-rhythm and vowels at the start of words make it hard to say my change would be
"we were the only ones on this bus"(that's a little vague)
"nobody else could see this"(maybe a little too simplified)
so somewhere in between those two I guess :D
that's my only critique, just try speaking the words out loud and you'll probably catch some more fo these
btw, a trick I use when writing is to speak each line before you write it, it's more entertaining and really helps your rhythm
I don't follow my dreams, I just ask em' where they're going and catch up with them later.
-Mitch Hedburg
Did you see that!
