my first song what do you think

hey..kinda cool up 2 now man, how about.. keep your morals..u dont wanna choose.. just a thought.. :)

I think you have a cool thought going.

It gave me a kinda Sum 41/Good Charlotte feel.

Finish up your thoughts and repost.

Looking forward to the completed song.

thanx for your advise but im gunna cry i dont like sum 41 i think there a real dumb band but hey im doing antother to ill post that one when i have finished

Whoever you like is who I meant to say it sounded like :)

Forget that Sum 41 thang...I still like where you're going!

Keep it up!

Be Blessed!

G

i have dissided not to carry on with that one its not me if u understand???
but heres a new one

unmoral are his ways
geniside at his grasp
fuck the unmoral president,
unmoral president,unmoral
president unmoral are his ways
battling against the gays
the disabled the women
the children and his men.

can you see him in his office
cigar in his mouth
condisending on our lives
power by his side

plotting in our dimise
women and children
he will have no mursy
when his fist crushes your face

destruction at a button
in his locked draw
democracy he laughs
as he orders
his brain washed soldiers to attack
and this time it wont be iraq

unmoral are his ways
geniside at his grasp
fuck the unmoral president,
unmoral president,unmoral president
unmoral are his ways
battling against the gays the disabled
the women the children and his men.

crushing through our streets
the tear down the childs face
as his mother is raped
and killed

they burn down our houses
and kill our husbands hang
our childeren and rape
our wives

but we our strong and
we rebel this time we shall not fail
we fight and give our lives to stop
this unjust crewlty
we attack
we crash through
we dont stop
we will win
against the mess
this unmoral president
put use in
we are everyday ches
sit on are arse we will not do
we will listen up
we will act we will provel

ooops i put the non edit one in heers the finished one
:oops:

unmoral are his ways
geniside at his grasp
fuck the unmoral president,
unmoral president,unmoral
president unmoral are his ways
battling against the gays
the disabled the women
the children and his men.

can you see him in his office
cigar in his mouth
condisending on our lives
power by his side

plotting in our dimise
women and children
he will have no mursy
when his fist crushes your face

destruction at a button
in his locked draw
democracy he laughs
as he orders
his brain washed soldiers to attack
and this time it wont be iraq

unmoral are his ways
geniside at his grasp
fuck the unmoral president,
unmoral president,unmoral president
unmoral are his ways
battling against the gays the disabled
the women the children and his men.

crushing through our streets
the tear down the childs face
as his mother is raped
and killed

they burn down our houses
and kill our husbands hang
our childeren and rape
our wives

but we our strong and
we rebel this time we shall not fail
we fight and give our lives to stop
this unjust crewlty
we attack
we crash through
we dont stop
we will win
against the mess
this unmoral president
put use in
we are everyday ches
sit on are arse we will not do
we will listen up
we will act we will provel

ok just completly ignor me till im more clever :oops: :oops: :oops:

ok i think i have over cum my dumbness

heres my finished first and second song tell me what you think and if i could improve it

A WORLD BEHIMD BARS

They say you are free
"the land of the free
who ever told you thats your eneymy"
Democracy sucks but who cares,
lets go to starbucks,
lets cuddle are carebares
lets sit and shut up
it doesn't matter who cares

its a world behind bars
its a place with fears
berry your head in the sand
lets ignor our problems
its easy to say lets give up and walk away....
its a world behind bars
lets set it free
before you give up
before you throw away the key

down in a place
war prisners lay
being beaten and raped
i think these soldiors must be gay.....
or maybe im wrong there just
ignorent fucks who dont give a shit
like the people at home
who sit on there sofas
or lie on there beds
whilst a childs mother now is dead
the ortopsy says she took a bullet to the head

its a world behind bars
its a place with fears
berry your head in the sand
lets ignor our problems
its easy to say lets give up and walk away....
its a world behind bars
lets set it free
before you give up
before you throw away the key

i dont undersand
you have got me lost
i wanna take hold
i wanna be the boss
i think im missing a lesson in life
why does there always have to be strif

its a world behind bars
its a place with fears
berry your head in the sand
lets ignor our problems
its easy to say lets give up and walk away....
its a world behind bars
lets set it free
before you give up
before you throw away the key

INMORAL

inmoral are his ways
geniside at his grasp
fuck the inmoral president,
inmoral president,inmoral
president inmoral are his ways
battling against the gays
the disabled and the children
the women and the men.

can you see him in his office
smoke from his cigar
condisending on our lives
power by his side

plotting in our dimise
women and children
he will have no mursy
when his fist crushes your face

destruction at a button
in his locked draw
democracy he laughs
as he orders
his brain washed soldiers to attack
and this time it wont be iraq

inmoral are his ways
geniside at his grasp
fuck the inmoral president,
inmoral president,inmoral
president inmoral are his ways
battling against the gays
the disabled and the children
the women and the men.

crushing through our streets
the tear down the childs face
as his mother is raped
and killed

they burn down our houses
and kill our husbands hang
our childeren and rape
our wives

but we our strong and
we rebel this time we shall not fail
we fight and give our lives to stop
this unjust crewlty
we attack
we crash through
we dont stop
we will win
against the mess
this unmoral president
put use in
we are everyday ches
sit on are arse we will not do
we will listen up
we will act we will provel

inmoral are his ways
geniside at his grasp
fuck the inmoral president,
inmoral president,inmoral
president inmoral are his ways
battling against the gays
the disabled and the children
the women and the men.

thanx dan

:shock: sumone anyone :(

You seem very angry in the song. Which is good, I like anger. Although, I didn't get much of the song maybe its because I'm American and don't really know some of the slang of your country. However, some of the stuff you are saying in the song could fit our newly re-elected president as well.

Hey, you said that you'd reveiw my song if I did yours. So here I am. The songs were good and I liked what you expressed. The one about the president was down too the point and simple to understand. These kind of songs are good every once in a while. For future songs, you should be more detailed of peoples' feelings in the song rather than their action. It will give more imagination use to the listeners. Like the song about seeing the world behind bars created by it's own hate and sin. Great perspective. Great songs though.

Andy
Oh, and see my other song called Fight to end all fights