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Socially Dead has edit ( Adult Theme )


(@barnabus-rox)
Famed Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 2976
Topic starter  

Hello everyone

I usually write in SSG , but I am suffering from a bad case of
NO IDEAS FOR THIS WEEKS ASSIGNMENT ..

So this is what blurted out of my mouth as I fiddled around on my guitar
I have titled it Socially Dead

For it's early to rise
And It's early to bed
It'll keep you healthy
But socially dead

Too much of that
Will send you blind
Eat pleanty of carrots
They're good for your eyes

They say an apple a day
Will keep the doctor away
I would rather some booze
So baby what do you say ?

For it's early to rise
And It's early to bed
It'll keep you healthy
But socially dead

----

All feed back bad or good is welcome , I'll try to record this soon

Here is to you as good as you are
And here is to me as bad as I am
As good as you are and as bad as I am
I'm as good as you are as bad as I am


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(@ignar-hillstrom)
Illustrious Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 5384
 

Well, it's actually quite nice if you'd ask me. In my head it's kinda like an Eric Clapton accoustic bluesy song, what do you have in mind for this?


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(@barnabus-rox)
Famed Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 2976
Topic starter  

Thanks Arjen

Open chords in the key of "C" ..

I was playing around with

Something along the lines of

( G) ............ Am
For it's early
to rise

(G) ........ Am
And It's
early to bed

And so through the Chorus

Em and C through out the verses

accoustic bluesy sort of beat to it
( Clapton I wish my friend but I know what you mean )

Thank you for the feed back

Hilch

Here is to you as good as you are
And here is to me as bad as I am
As good as you are and as bad as I am
I'm as good as you are as bad as I am


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 Anonymous
Joined: 53 years ago
Posts: 0
 

Sounds good to me Hilch!

Now, where's that guitar, I need to play this one..... :)

Pete


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 pbee
(@pbee)
Noble Member
Joined: 17 years ago
Posts: 2097
 

Hi Hilch,

this is quite cool really. Im not that keen on the carrot line though,: as a suggestion
Too much of that
Will send you blind
Whats good for your soul
May not be good for your eyes

I love the chorus, I was having a play around with those chords and as I was singing the song I kept wanting to draw out the s-o-c-i-a-l-l-y. Something like this.
For it's early to rise
And It's early to bed
It'll keep you healthy
But s-o-c-i-a-l-l-y, your dead

Good song mate

Cheers

Paul


Check out my Reverbnation page here


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(@barnabus-rox)
Famed Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 2976
Topic starter  

I didn't expect to get so much feed back from this little number thank you all ...

When I sing it in my head
( not too sure if I should sing it out loud as we don't have any ear plugs left )

The last line on the chorus :

But socially dead

I actually sing it rather fast and dead is ended quite abruptly ...

Thanks Pbee and Pete

Hilch

Here is to you as good as you are
And here is to me as bad as I am
As good as you are and as bad as I am
I'm as good as you are as bad as I am


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(@ignar-hillstrom)
Illustrious Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 5384
 

I actually quite liked the carrot line. It's crazy, kinda reminded me of some weird but awesome Radiohead lyrics.

"Whats good for your soul
May not be good for your eyes"

It's nice as well, but more generic, somewhat bland. The carrot line contains a stronger picture to me, it sounds more sarcastic and bitter. But hey, just my opinion. :)


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(@barnabus-rox)
Famed Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 2976
Topic starter  

I better come clean with that verse for everyone I thinks ..

Too much of that
Will send you blind
Eat pleanty of carrots
They're good for your eyes

Too much of that will send you blind .. Well that is a saying where I live I don't know about other parts of the world ..Umm nicest way of putting it would be self gradification mm do it too much you will end up blind ..

Eat pleanty of carrots they're good for your eyes is also a saying .. But this time I have it in a tongue in cheek manner to annul the blindness ...

It is suppose to be poking fun at some of those sayings I have heard over the years ...

Hilch

Here is to you as good as you are
And here is to me as bad as I am
As good as you are and as bad as I am
I'm as good as you are as bad as I am


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(@ignar-hillstrom)
Illustrious Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 5384
 

They're the same in Dutch alright. :D


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(@barnabus-rox)
Famed Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 2976
Topic starter  

I played around with this and pinched Pbee's lines and added more to it now it has become a Adult theme song ..

For it's early to rise
And It's early to bed
It'll keep you healthy
But socially dead

Too much of that
Will send you blind
Whats good for your soul
May not be good for your eyes

Burnt all of your bridges
With all of your lies
Now your all alone
With your lying eyes

For it's early to rise
And It's early to bed
It'll keep you healthy
But socially dead

You did her wrong
It didn't take you long
Now you help your self
You don't care if it's right or wrong

Never married never alone
For Mr bates , he does not wait
She was only one to love you dear
Now only Master Bates lives here

For it's early to rise
And It's early to bed
It'll keep you healthy
But socially dead

Here is to you as good as you are
And here is to me as bad as I am
As good as you are and as bad as I am
I'm as good as you are as bad as I am


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(@margaret)
Noble Member
Joined: 16 years ago
Posts: 1689
 

hilch,

Inspired!

Maybe you could craft on this verse a little:
Never married never alone
For Mr bates , he does not wait
She was only one to love you dear
Now only Master Bates lives here

Being a little less obvious with the insinuation could be more intriguing. Let the listener puzzle it out a bit.

arjen wrote: it's kinda like an Eric Clapton accoustic bluesy song
Agreed.

Margaret

When my mind is free, you know a melody can move me
And when I'm feelin' blue, the guitar's comin' through to soothe me ~


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(@barnabus-rox)
Famed Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 2976
Topic starter  

Thanks Margret

I have got a lot of feed back about that verse you mentioned , and decided after reading you comments I thought to re-visit it ( thanks )

Never married never alone --------------- I LIKE THIS
For Mr bates , he does not wait ----------- WHAT I THOUGHT COULD GO
She was only one to love you dear--------UNDECIDED
Now only Master Bates lives here----------MUST STAY

So with that in mind this is what I came up with :

Never married but never alone
Living there in your twilight zone
Your getting older with every year
Master Bates , are you still living here ?

Just my latest ideas on that verse ...

I think it is a tad better

Here is to you as good as you are
And here is to me as bad as I am
As good as you are and as bad as I am
I'm as good as you are as bad as I am


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 pbee
(@pbee)
Noble Member
Joined: 17 years ago
Posts: 2097
 

Hey Hilch,

yeah getting better, i agree.
Never married but never alone
Living there in your twilight zone
Your getting older with every year
Master Bates , are you still living here ?

for my money though I think Id still tweak the last line to some thing like this

Never married but never alone
Living there in your twilight zone
Your getting older with every year
Yet Master Bates, still lives here

The reason why I would do that is because to me it validates and gives closure to the 3rd line . Just my thoughts.

Well your nearly a Denizen, I am unworthy to grace the same page, and swear fealty to my leige

cheers

Paul


Check out my Reverbnation page here


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