I post my works just for sharing them with people, so that people can read them, feel, contemplate, probably recognize themselves in my lyrics, which can be helpful for them, showing them they are not alone.
You may like or dislike them - I don't really care, but posting them on all the most popular songwriter's forums is useful, as it gives me an opportunity to find both my potential audience and musicians to collaborate with, also to find the tastes of the potential audience out.
I think your lyrics are very good, ABD.
However, I feel that my suggestion is valid and you don't.
Since they're your lyrics you win . . . . but I am right.
So there!
KR2
It's the rock that gives the stream its music . . . and the stream that gives the rock its roll.
I agree with Ken, your lyrics are very good. The issue is that if people find them confusing or "clunky" or don't understand what you are trying to say they will not read them. If that doesn't matter to you then I guess you're all set.
However, that being said if you plan on making a career out of this, as in selling songs, if people can't understand them or don't identify with them, etc., they will not buy the them.
But, your material is good, so, in the end all I can say is write on.
Ric
"I've got blisters on my fingers." - Ringo Starr
My work is oriented on those who are capable of understanding it, that's everything I can say.
You mean you don't have another to say?
It's the rock that gives the stream its music . . . and the stream that gives the rock its roll.
I mean exactly what I say.
And your sarcasm, or your completely incorrent and incoherent sentence, whatever it is, is simply irrelevant here.
I mean exactly what I say.
And your sarcasm, or your completely incorrent and incoherent sentence, whatever it is, is simply irrelevant here.
"Castles, built on shards of dreams, are pain's another guise"
That's probably because I'm simple and irrelevant . . . or is it irreverent? . . . and only sometimes here.
and if I knew what incorrent meant, I'm probably that too . . . or did you spell that rong?
Did you mean incorrect?
Yep, like you, I used the word "another" inappropriately.
I have no doubt you mean exactly what you say . . .
but do you say exactly what you mean? Not exactly.
KR2 (simply irrelevant. Now if I can just convince the IRS . . .)
It's the rock that gives the stream its music . . . and the stream that gives the rock its roll.
Incoherent - without logical or meaningful connection.
And I used the word "another" appropriately.
Pardon my silly grin. :mrgreen:
It's the rock that gives the stream its music . . . and the stream that gives the rock its roll.
And "another" is perfectly correct, as here I'm trying to say that pain has two guises, one is seen, one is hidden, "castles , built on the shards of dreams" are the hidden one.
If pain does indeed have two guises, then "other," not "another," would be the correct usage. If pain posesses more than two guises (that word's beautifully archaic, don't you think?) then "another" would indeed be correct, although it does look wrong at first read.
Sometimes you just have to accept the fact that if it walks like a duck, waddles like a duck, and quacks like a duck, there's at least a possibility that it's a member of the family Anatidae.
Or you could just use the catch-all get-out "poetic license".....
As for the song as a whole - I like your use of imagery and metaphor. It is a little wordy, but for the most part well worded. It's always slightly difficult to get a feel of what music would suit a song when looking at bare lyrics on paper (or a computer screen, in this case!) but this almost screams, "lush, dramatic ballad." Minor key. Sad, haunting piano or guitar chords. Hope you get to put music to it - I'd be interested to see how this turns out.
:D :D :D
Vic
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
Stop that, Vic.
You're being coherent.
You could lose your poetic license and
pain's another guise is having to go through the reapplication process.
It's the rock that gives the stream its music . . . and the stream that gives the rock its roll.
I post my works just for sharing them with people, so that people can read them, feel, contemplate, probably recognize themselves in my lyrics, which can be helpful for them, showing them they are not alone.
You may like or dislike them - I don't really care, but posting them on all the most popular songwriter's forums is useful, as it gives me an opportunity to find both my potential audience and musicians to collaborate with, also to find the tastes of the potential audience out.
All well and good, you might think. But I do see some points that you might like to consider. :)
Years ago I wrote stuff like you do. I even won some poetry prizes. I expect that back then I was probably as prickly and defensive about my writing as you are. But if you can't accept anything but praise then there can be some problems.
Firstly, anybody who bothers to read your words is doing you a favour by paying attention to you. If they then take the trouble to comment then they are providing useful information about how your writing comes across to an audience. If you can't respond to that with good grace then you'll soon find that you have no audience left, as rcsnydley#1 gently but accurately suggested. You can probably rationalise being thought of as ‘different' or ‘difficult', or even ‘moody and aloof', but unfortunately you're just as likely to be seen by others as arrogant, immature and insecure, and that's tougher to take and harder to wave away or repair. :(
Saying that you're sharing your “worksâ€.... “so that people can read them, feel, contemplate, probably recognize themselves in my lyrics, which can be helpful for them, showing them they are not alone.†leaves no role for the reader/listener except as admirer and grateful recipient of your insights. It can also come across as somewhat on the pompous side, especially when your writing appears to come from somebody who is still working on developing the craft of songwriting. But, not only are you being controlling and restrictive of your audience, you are also cheating yourself of an opportunity to use people's reactions to contribute to your own development. That should be of interest to you, if nothing else is.
Obviously, I don't mean that you should unreservedly accept every criticism, or make every change that's suggested, but you should at least be able to consider the possibility that if a number of people think that something is clunky, wrong, or just hard to follow then maybe they have a point, and that other ways of putting it might better achieve the effect you're after. There's a fine line between nurturing useful and necessary confidence in your own ability, and letting your ego get in the way of seeing ways to improve. If you don't get the balance right you can end up in a very small and lonely bubble, trying to convince yourself that the world is full of clods who don't understand you, and that it's all their fault. I'd recommend at least aiming for a bigger bubble with room for a wider circle of friends. :wink:
I've been writing on and off for a half a century or more now, and have even had some modest success with it. For instance, I've had work published in a range of things such as national and local newspapers, government manuals and other publications (all of which give you good lessons about accepting editing, and understanding the reasons for it). I've also had work read at public readings, and full length stage works given successful runs. Recently, I've even had even songs performed by other people. But the one thing that I've learned is that I can still write crap. And I can still write stuff that sounds fine to me, and isn't really ‘wrong', but that still doesn't accurately come across to the people I hoped to reach. So if I get comments I try to treat them with respect, and I do listen - for my own sake as well as out of consideration for those who take the trouble to make them.
Good luck with your songwriting.
Cheers,
Chris
As you note in your signature, KR2, "Few things are simple and even fewer are exact." The English Language is a case in point, although it does have rules - it's working them out that's the tricky part! And there are always exceptions - for instance, you shouldn't start a sentence with a preposition. Like I just did.
Another thought has occured to me....rcsnydley#1's suggestion, to use a dash between "pain's" and "another guise" is NOT irrelevant - it's perfectly valid, though a comma would be better.
No-one's perfect, and no-one's right 100% of the time. I'm at a loss, though, like others here as to why someone should post a song for feedback when that feedback is ignored and helpful suggestions are rejected out of hand? Maybe if ABD was more open to criticism, she'd see that people are trying to help - this isn't the kind of site where people stay around for very long if they're obstructive, objectionable or needlessly abusive. If criticism is needed, then accept it in the spirit in which it's given - if it isn't needed, then why ask for it?
I repeat, no-one's perfect - and what looks perfect to one is flawed to another. Every parent thinks their child is perfect, it takes an objective outsider sometimes to see the birthmark.
:D :D :D
Vic
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
As you note in your signature, KR2, "Few things are simple and even fewer are exact."
I repeat, no-one's perfect -
Actually, that reference is about me (of course).
I am simply and exactly perfect . . . just as I am . . . . and humble too.
It's the rock that gives the stream its music . . . and the stream that gives the rock its roll.
It seems you've turned my thread into your own discussion which seems to be pointless.
But I created it with the other purpose.
As for me, I have already said everything that I wanted to say.
Just two little notes to Chris.
1. There is no need to compare me to you, or anyone else - any creative person is unique and has their own particular way to do what they do.
2. There was absolutely no need to take the word works in quotaton marks. These are not "works", but WORKS, as each of them is meaningful and comes from the heart.
