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(@picture-perfect)
Trusted Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 26
Topic starter  

Its been a while since i have had any thoughts for a song, here is my latest one, hopefully recording this one soon, the lyric tune are similar to the lyrics from Talk by Coldplay, (was listening to the song before i wrote it) please leave any comments/suggestions

Thanks

Waiting

Its dark outside
At four in the afternoon,
I can't decide
On what it is I'm gunna do,
I watch the sky
As I'm thinking of you
And time goes by,
As I wait for you…

Time can't change
What we have made
Only step aside
When we have realised

Its cold outside
As the wind begins to blow
I can't decide
How long it will be when I go
I'm thinking hard,
How long will it take till this will show?
My mind gets scarred
As I wait for you….

If you come today,
At four in the afternoon
My heart will sway,
To the happy things that we will do,
I will always say,
Every time that I love you
But I will stay
As I wait for you….


   
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(@youngrawker)
Trusted Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 39
 

Thats pretty good, it looks like a song by Fall Out Boy or Blink 182.

all in all.....good job!


   
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(@picture-perfect)
Trusted Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 26
Topic starter  

Thanks, does any one else have comments or improvements?


   
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(@lotto-king)
Prominent Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 777
 

Hi P-P

Very lazy when I have to type ( hope you don't mind )

Have a little tweek for you

I watch the sky
As I'm thinking of you
And time goes by, <--------------AS TIME GOES BY
As I wait for you <--------------I'LL BE WAITING FOR YOU
On what it is I'm gunna do, <----ON WHAT IT IS I'M GOING TO DO

----------------------------------
Time can't change
What we have made <----------------WHAT WE HAVEN'T MADE

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Now these are only suggestions I took my time and looked at this several times before posting a reply
I even put chords to it .. hope you don't mind but my alterations seem to flow a bit better ( all open chords ) with a easy D/d/u/u/d STRUM
------C-----D
Its dark outside
---------C------G-------
At four in the afternoon,
-C-----D---------G------
I can't decide
------C----D--------G------
On what it is I'm gunna do,
D-----------C-------
I watch the sky
----G--------------D----
As I'm thinking of you
------C---------D------
And time goes by,
---D----------C---
As I wait for you…

---------------------------------------------------------

Hope you get the idea in between the verses add a little riff ( i used EM - C - G-D )
it's a very good piece of writting

Aghhhh

Not only am I a senior citizen

I'm now a bloody senior member

Are you people trying to tell me I'm old or what ?

over 700 posts ( I really do need to get out more )


   
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