"a conversation between the earth and a soldier."
Oh, your great discs may shuffle,
may be out numbered by the water.
Was your past life made of magma?
Will my current life keep stamina?
Oh, your great army of war
may be strong in arms and tact.
Will your next life be to concour?
if so, how weak you must be in fact.
May you guide my walking feet,
and i will walk with whisper steps.
carefull not to wake your sleep
til i'm buried in your depths.
May my desert lead you astray
for the bombs you aimed and let loose.
for the killing and burning always
til i'm deadlands under your boots
And should your coarse sand be burned
or your oil blood be drained
know that i, your student learned
only wished for peacefull days.
And your building of structures
of oil wells that puncture
the land on which you stand.
a gift you take for granted.
Though this land is not my home
and my fate i do not own.
Know me as your distant friend
born of peace on violent ends.
On my horizons your eyes won't live
to see beautified by morning's sun.
For i won't live to see the violence
die before mankind is done
Here your body lay under
my own body both deep in dispare.
may i call you now my brother?
may we look after each other
until the world is no longer sunder
and i could be back home with my love in care?
to listen to my songs for SSC click here http://www.myspace.com/impossibleobjects
hey geoffrey.
a longer one this time;)
first I gotta say that I'm very fond of the idea, soldier and earth having a conversation. and it's nice you actually build it up like a real conversation, having them taking turns in speaking.
among many good lines I like this however:
and i will walk with whisper steps.
carefull not to wake your sleep
til i'm buried in your depths.
like how it ends, too, especially the following line, I think it's kinda cute:
may i call you now my brother?
one question: I always thought 'lay' would be past of 'lie' but you used lay in present tense( I know there's also lay-laid-lain..but that meaning's a bit different, isn't it?)..? can one do that? just being curious 'cause I noticed this before in a Bright Eyes song and also have one piece where 'lay' would sound better but it's present tense('when you lay down to sleep').. :roll:
well done :D
bluenightangel
"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin
And should your coarse sand be burned
or your oil blood be drained
know that i, your student learned
only wished for peacefull days.
love this verse... I reckon it sums up your piece really well :) maybe if you decide to use a chorus it would work?
I like the idea of a song without all the conformity of structure, just a sung poem speaking the words of a soldier to the land.. what could be more real?
nice work geoffrey,
Jacqui
"Iam a question to the world... not an answer to be heard."
This is really well done, geoffrey. It's unlike anything else I've read, and you examine a number of facets with a great deal of sensitivity and insight.
-- Scratch 8)
"...if heartaches were commercials, we'd all be on TV" -- John Prine
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