48 War Party

hey n,

i didn't get around to reading your song until now. and i wish i would have read it sooner. the revisions you made certainly make the song better. and i like the alternate first lines for the last verse. i think the thought behind this song should be do it with gusto. and those alternate lines have more gusto. this is a great powerful song. i love the reference to the cards, nice little touch.

i do have to admit that i didn't rush to read your song. the title didn't jump right out at me. with this powerful of a song it needs to have a more powerful catching title. "war party" just seemed a little blah to me. here is a suggestion "heavy metal and bullets"; "heavy metal death"; "metal death party"; "tunes of death" my thought is that the title should get you from the start.

i think this song is one of the best ones for this week, and that is saying a lot with how good the submissions were.

keep up the good work.

-CheapThrill

hey n,

Let's end the suspense :wink:

The N stands for Noah.
i do have to admit that i didn't rush to read your song. the title didn't jump right out at me. with this powerful of a song it needs to have a more powerful catching title. "war party" just seemed a little blah to me. here is a suggestion "heavy metal and bullets"; "heavy metal death"; "metal death party"; "tunes of death" my thought is that the title should get you from the start.

I get you. I called it war party because I wanted to more formally show how I was working with week 48's topic. Every time I read it though I am thinking of some demented political party, not some sort of shindig with bullets and bombs. But then I worked so hard to get it into the song. I do like "heavy metal and bullets" maybe "black powder kegger", "war party thrall"?
i think this song is one of the best ones for this week, and that is saying a lot with how good the submissions were.

keep up the good work.

Thanks.

-CheapThrill

Sorry to get off topic, but freedom of speech goes both ways, right?

Sure it does. Put your opinion in the format of a song so that it is on topic. This week's assignment is about wishes, maybe your wishes can have something to do with people not listening to Michael Moore.

Maybe something like (with due respect to SS):

I saw Michael Moore and Michael Moore is dead
Lying in a ditch with his tounge stapled to his head
Black holes and goo where the cigars burnt out his eyes
Now he can't spead anymore of his filthy fucking lies.

Maybe that is one of your wishes (not mine btw, but they are funny lyrics...just insert your most hated figure, GWB?, where it says Michael Moore), I don't know...at any rate, you can put it in a song and excersize your right to free speech without being off topic. If your opinion is strong enough, as it seems to be, it should provide great inspiration....use it as I did in War Party. You can even use my little verse if you want; I'm not going to.

Besides, it is so much more effective if it is in a song.

I look forward to reading it.

hey noah,

your welcome. i am glad that you liked one of my suggestions for a title.

-CheapThrill

hi noah :wink:

I really like the revision, it's much better and I think this could be it, the final result(or do you still feel a bit uncomfortable?).

as for the changes: I agree with cheapthrill on the cards, that's great, also the 3rd line of that verse sounds very good.
I think it was a good idea to change the 3rd verse to 'in a hail' instead of 'like hail'. I still prefer Azrael but if you're going to use your alternative lines there you could better change the title to something with 'metal' as cheapthrill suggested(personally like 'tunes of death'...hm....'metal death tunes'...).

great song still improved:)
bluenightangel