I haven't written anything for what seems like an eternity so when the idea for this one came along I punched through the pain barrier to try and get something down. It's a little long but this is just a rough draft at the moment - no music to speak of yet.
Routine
The early morning siren
wrenches me from sleep
As it calls me to my duty
I force my eyes to open
and I'm torn away from dreams
Of lands of faraway beauty
Another day
another dollar
It never seems to end
Work it off
And pay Your bills
Is this the only way
The coffee and the shower
Are distant memories
As the traffic grips me tight
And the darkness of the dawn
Is lifting as the day
takes over from the night
Another day
another dollar
It never seems to end
Work it off
And pay Your bills
Is this the only way
[Bridge]Same old faces
Same old places
This daily routine
Punch the clock
Make my quota
Part of the team
I walk that treadmill
Every day
It's all I've ever known
And as the night
Steals away the day
I make my way back home
Another day
another dollar
It never seems to end
Work it off
And pay Your bills
Is this the only way
Stumble in to bed
to dream
Hope for some escape
But I now it won't
be long before the
siren calls me to awake
Another day
another dollar
It never seems to end
Work it off
And pay your bills
There must be another way
Bob :wink:
edit - just read through the other submissions for this week - and would like to point out I posted this before reading them :D :D
You are what you eat, eat well
Whatever you do, save the bridge! I think it's great, as is the verse immediately following ("...I walk that treadmill...")
On the chorus, I'd like to suggest using a bit of wordplay in order to simply give things a little more cohesion:
Another day
another dollar
Is this the only way
Work it off
Pay your bills
Another dollar another day
Just a thought. And truly, truly glad to see you back on the boards, sir! Here's hoping to read a lot more from you this coming year.
Peace
Hi Bob
First time I have seen you post a song , my wait has been worth it ...
This is very good " I like it alot "
Here is to you as good as you are
And here is to me as bad as I am
As good as you are and as bad as I am
I'm as good as you are as bad as I am
Thanks David - I'm going to use the chorus you suggested I think it's a vast improvement.
Thanks Hilch - I've been waiting for this for a long time as well
I now have some music ideas which I'll try and record and get this posted up.
Now there's productivity :wink:
Edit - OK now loaded as MP3 click on My Soundclick link below and follow the music link - apologies now the vocal is rough
You are what you eat, eat well
Bob
Nice to see your work for a change.
I'm glad I waited to respond because the MP3
really helped me appreciate this song.
It could be your accent but it reminds me of
Ray Davies(one of my favorite songwriters)
Hope we will see you writing more in the future.
John
Love the guitar riff, Bob - really, excellent!!!
Disagree with Celt about the accent though - I can hear a bit of Ringo there - you a scouser? I know you're a Liverpool fan, you mentioned it last year....I'd accentuate the accent if I was you, play on it a bit more....
Only other thing I'd suggest, you seem to be having a bit of trouble singing & playing at the same time....I'd lay the guitar track down first if I was you, then play it back and sing over it....
Good song!!!
and just to reiterate - love the guitar riff!!!
Make, model, strings?
:D :D :D
Vic
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
Hey Bob
This is rather good the MP3 really does make it easier to read ...
keep up your writting
L.K
Aghhhh
Not only am I a senior citizen
I'm now a bloody senior member
Are you people trying to tell me I'm old or what ?
over 700 posts ( I really do need to get out more )
Thanks Vic
I did lay down the guitar and vocal tracks independently - it's just that I am that bad a singer. I had to record it onto my laptop whilst reading the words off my main computer screen and still unsure as to the exact melody I was going for. At one point I had three separate vocal tracks for verse, chorus and bridge. When I sang and played it for Jo earlier on I did it all in one take and it did sound much better. I need to work on getting my voice to sound better- I think I'm intimidated by recording it.
Yes I am a scouser - born and bred though now in exile in Yorkshire :roll:
Guitar is a 12 string Simon and Patrick (matt finish) using Martin strings recorded on Audacity and then bass boost effect applied to the track.
Chords are very simple; verse is just four measures of Bb to F to C to F, chorus is two measures of Gm to Am to C to F and bridge is four measures of Am to Fmaj7.
Thanks for the comments LK and Celt - appreciate them.
Bob :wink:
You are what you eat, eat well
Hi Bob,
Good song here, I like it. I find myself singing that “another day another dollar†line again and again in my head, just the way you sing it. So that's got to be good thing, nice hook. Good to see you submitting a song,
Cheers
Pbee
