Hey again ,
Well I read alot of very good songs this week , and wanted to try and match it with the big boys :lol: ....
I don't think I did though :oops:
It's sort of loud in my head vocals like almost shouted
( voices in my head now :lol: )
I have titled this
Burning Bridges ( why not hey :lol: )
Don't say you love me ,
When you know it's not true
Don't say you want me ,
I'll only leave you blue
I'm going to burn all my bridges
And throw your love away
I'm as cold as all the fridges
Don't care what you say
I never really loved you
Isn't that what people say
I never want to see you
I don't care what you say
(BRIDGE)
Just go and do your own thing
I won't get in your way
I'll pack up my belongings and my guitar
When your thinking of me , I'll be at the bar
Don't say you love me ,
When you know it's not true
Don't say you want me ,
I'll only leave you blue
I'm going to burn all my bridges
And throw your love away
I'm as cold as all the fridges
Don't care what you say
==============================
As always please pick it apart for me , I want to get better at this writting caper ...
Here is to you as good as you are
And here is to me as bad as I am
As good as you are and as bad as I am
I'm as good as you are as bad as I am
Hey Hilch,
this is good, your getting some nice structure in there. I dont like the fridge line though. Notice how the 1st two lines of this chorus are clearly related "Im going to burn the bridges" this means "Im going to throw your love away" - good. In the last 2 lines I know that your trying to say that your going to be cold and ignore her. But I dont think it works currently. "All the fridges" - what fridges ? Part of the problem is that your trying to rhyme with bridges. What if you only had to rhyme with bridge ? Id be inclined to edit that chorus like this:
Im going to burn that last bridge <-- Burn all your bridges is that same as saying there are no bridges left
And throw away your love
And like the ice thats in our fridge <-- Im being pretty specific here, its our fridge
Ill not care what you say
The last two line are now clearly related.
Disclaimer: This is just my opinion of course
good work
Paul
Hey Hilch,
Figurd I should have a crack at critiquing the work of others bein as they are kind enough to do mine.
I agree with Paul that the fridge line isn't quite right, and i'm unsure about his suggestion. Personally I would consider getting rid of the fridge reference altogether. I'm not sure you really even need a rhyme in here, but how about something like:
Im going to burn that last bridge
And throw your love away
It may be an age old adage <-- Not sure on my spelling here
But I don't care what you say
Hmm, I'm not sure about that, but its something to think about i guess.
I do like the bridge in this one a lot, paticularly the 'pack up my belongings and my guitar' line. That image instantly makes it seem very personal and focus upon an actual real person who's moving out (if that makes any sense?). I'm struggling slightly getting the meter, but that could possibly just be me. I'd be interested in how you perform it, but i possible suggestion would be:
I'll pack up my things and take my guitar
Possibly not needed, but it just seems 2 flow slightly better imho.
Anyways, thats my 2 cents, possibly a load of old tosh, but hopefully in someway useful.
Tony
Thanks
Paul and Tony
Tony all feed back on my work is useful and other peoples ideas are very often edited into my songs . I'm not one to get on a high horse and pretend that my songs are perfect .
I respect other ideas and think it's great that someone takes time to read my little offerings .
Please if you see something in a song of mine especially reply with your idea , as I probably did not even think about it like that ...
Thanks again
Hilch :?:
Here is to you as good as you are
And here is to me as bad as I am
As good as you are and as bad as I am
I'm as good as you are as bad as I am
Hey Hilch!
Another two-fer this week. :D
I like what you wrote, good song. Bridge and Bridges are tough words, imo, to have rhyme and work in a song.
I see burn--->bridges and cold--->fridges is being how you came up with the verse, which works fine by me. Probably sounds better when sung.
I'm a bit rusty with critiquing, sorry.
"If I had a time machine, I'd go back and tell me to practise that bloody guitar!" -Vic Lewis
Everything is 42..... again.
NO need to be sorry ghost
Thank you for your reply ,
Yep you got my rhyme reason
burn all my bridges
cold as all the fridges
Sylabills , oh well it didn't work never mind
Maybe somethig else would work
Inperfect rhymes I might look at
Here is to you as good as you are
And here is to me as bad as I am
As good as you are and as bad as I am
I'm as good as you are as bad as I am
Hey mate
Alot of dicussion around the fridges and you mentioned your self (inperfect rhymes ) mm I am guessing ones such as wishes and bridges ?
How is this for a little idea ..
I'm going to burn all my bridges
And throw your love away
Don't care about your wishes
Don't care what you say
I don't actually agree with ( Paul ) Pbee that Burning my bridges and throw your love away means the exact same thing , I am sure during my life I have burnt bridges with people but did not throw their love away ..
Burning bridges to me like being fired ( sacked ) from a job because you told the truth to your boss
i:e you burnt the bridge ..
Throw your love away is more emotioanl I believe ( from the heart )
Any way just my opinion
L.K
Aghhhh
Not only am I a senior citizen
I'm now a bloody senior member
Are you people trying to tell me I'm old or what ?
over 700 posts ( I really do need to get out more )