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Burning Bridges ( have you got a better title ?)

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BarnaBus RoX
(@barnabus-rox)
Famed Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 2957
Topic starter  

Hey again ,

Well I read alot of very good songs this week , and wanted to try and match it with the big boys :lol: ....

I don't think I did though :oops:

It's sort of loud in my head vocals like almost shouted
( voices in my head now :lol: )

I have titled this

Burning Bridges ( why not hey :lol: )

Don't say you love me ,
When you know it's not true
Don't say you want me ,
I'll only leave you blue

I'm going to burn all my bridges
And throw your love away
I'm as cold as all the fridges
Don't care what you say

I never really loved you
Isn't that what people say
I never want to see you
I don't care what you say

(BRIDGE)
Just go and do your own thing
I won't get in your way
I'll pack up my belongings and my guitar
When your thinking of me , I'll be at the bar

Don't say you love me ,
When you know it's not true
Don't say you want me ,
I'll only leave you blue

I'm going to burn all my bridges
And throw your love away
I'm as cold as all the fridges
Don't care what you say

==============================

As always please pick it apart for me , I want to get better at this writting caper ...

Here is to you as good as you are
And here is to me as bad as I am
As good as you are and as bad as I am
I'm as good as you are as bad as I am


   
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pbee
 pbee
(@pbee)
Noble Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 2096
 

Hey Hilch,
this is good, your getting some nice structure in there. I dont like the fridge line though. Notice how the 1st two lines of this chorus are clearly related "Im going to burn the bridges" this means "Im going to throw your love away" - good. In the last 2 lines I know that your trying to say that your going to be cold and ignore her. But I dont think it works currently. "All the fridges" - what fridges ? Part of the problem is that your trying to rhyme with bridges. What if you only had to rhyme with bridge ? Id be inclined to edit that chorus like this:

Im going to burn that last bridge <-- Burn all your bridges is that same as saying there are no bridges left
And throw away your love
And like the ice thats in our fridge <-- Im being pretty specific here, its our fridge
Ill not care what you say

The last two line are now clearly related.

Disclaimer: This is just my opinion of course

good work

Paul


Check out my Reverbnation page here


   
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tonyj444
(@tonyj444)
Active Member
Joined: 16 years ago
Posts: 12
 

Hey Hilch,

Figurd I should have a crack at critiquing the work of others bein as they are kind enough to do mine.

I agree with Paul that the fridge line isn't quite right, and i'm unsure about his suggestion. Personally I would consider getting rid of the fridge reference altogether. I'm not sure you really even need a rhyme in here, but how about something like:

Im going to burn that last bridge
And throw your love away
It may be an age old adage <-- Not sure on my spelling here
But I don't care what you say

Hmm, I'm not sure about that, but its something to think about i guess.

I do like the bridge in this one a lot, paticularly the 'pack up my belongings and my guitar' line. That image instantly makes it seem very personal and focus upon an actual real person who's moving out (if that makes any sense?). I'm struggling slightly getting the meter, but that could possibly just be me. I'd be interested in how you perform it, but i possible suggestion would be:

I'll pack up my things and take my guitar

Possibly not needed, but it just seems 2 flow slightly better imho.

Anyways, thats my 2 cents, possibly a load of old tosh, but hopefully in someway useful.

Tony


   
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pbee
 pbee
(@pbee)
Noble Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 2096
 

It may be an age old adage

I like that :D


Check out my Reverbnation page here


   
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BarnaBus RoX
(@barnabus-rox)
Famed Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 2957
Topic starter  

Thanks

Paul and Tony

Tony all feed back on my work is useful and other peoples ideas are very often edited into my songs . I'm not one to get on a high horse and pretend that my songs are perfect .

I respect other ideas and think it's great that someone takes time to read my little offerings .

Please if you see something in a song of mine especially reply with your idea , as I probably did not even think about it like that ...

Thanks again

Hilch :?:

Here is to you as good as you are
And here is to me as bad as I am
As good as you are and as bad as I am
I'm as good as you are as bad as I am


   
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Ghost
(@ghost)
Prominent Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 815
 

Hey Hilch!

Another two-fer this week. :D

I like what you wrote, good song. Bridge and Bridges are tough words, imo, to have rhyme and work in a song.

I see burn--->bridges and cold--->fridges is being how you came up with the verse, which works fine by me. Probably sounds better when sung.

I'm a bit rusty with critiquing, sorry.

"If I had a time machine, I'd go back and tell me to practise that bloody guitar!" -Vic Lewis

Everything is 42..... again.


   
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BarnaBus RoX
(@barnabus-rox)
Famed Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 2957
Topic starter  

NO need to be sorry ghost

Thank you for your reply ,

Yep you got my rhyme reason

burn all my bridges

cold as all the fridges

Sylabills , oh well it didn't work never mind

Maybe somethig else would work

Inperfect rhymes I might look at

Here is to you as good as you are
And here is to me as bad as I am
As good as you are and as bad as I am
I'm as good as you are as bad as I am


   
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lotto king
(@lotto-king)
Prominent Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 777
 

Hey mate

Alot of dicussion around the fridges and you mentioned your self (inperfect rhymes ) mm I am guessing ones such as wishes and bridges ?

How is this for a little idea ..

I'm going to burn all my bridges
And throw your love away
Don't care about your wishes
Don't care what you say

I don't actually agree with ( Paul ) Pbee that Burning my bridges and throw your love away means the exact same thing , I am sure during my life I have burnt bridges with people but did not throw their love away ..

Burning bridges to me like being fired ( sacked ) from a job because you told the truth to your boss

i:e you burnt the bridge ..
Throw your love away is more emotioanl I believe ( from the heart )

Any way just my opinion

L.K

Aghhhh

Not only am I a senior citizen

I'm now a bloody senior member

Are you people trying to tell me I'm old or what ?

over 700 posts ( I really do need to get out more )


   
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