EDIT: After thinking about this, I decided not to change it totally, but put the alternative title next to the original, and the alternative chorus also at the side of the original......should make it easier to compare........
House on Fire....................................................................Man in the Middle
His daughter and his wife, get on like a house on fire,
He's in the middle, damping down the flames,
There's never a conversation, always an argument,
And nobody's, ever to blame.....
They fight like cat and dog,................................................They fight like cat and dog,
Go at each other, tooth and nail,.......................................Go at each other tooth and claw
And he's just the man in the middle,..................................He's just the man in the middle,
When all else fails..............................................................Emotions rubbed red-raw....
She's leaving home,The evil step-dragon's elated,
While he's hurt, and you know she's won,
She's staying at her friend's,What did he do wrong,
Of all those women,he picked the wrong one.......
They fight like cat and dog,
Go at each other like tooth and nail,
And he's just the man in the middle,
When all else fails........
He's not a husband or a father anymore,
He's the man in the middle, trying to put out the fire.
He's a referee, umpire, keeping the score,
And looking out for the liar........
The daughter and the wife no longer speak,
And the man of the house don't care no more,
All he wants is a care-free life,
And a free-and-easy passage through the door,
They fought each other like cat and dog,
Got at each other like tooth and nail,
And he was just the man in the middle,
Took the easy option when all else failed.......
________________________________________________________
OK, back to Autobiographical songs again....er, this is very true to life...any advice on Daughters/Wives/Stepdaughters etc and females in general would be welcomed........then again, maybe not, let's preserve the feminine mystique.......ah God Bless 'em!!!
And I've had 3 days to myself, plenty of time to do some recording........what have I got to show for it? Er---- absolutely nothing, except sore fingers.....maybe I should spend more time practising, instead of playing the fool I should play the guitar.......hmmmmm. that's not a bad line...........!!!!!
Vic
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
hey vic,
i knew you wouldn't disapoint me this week. good job with this song.
OK, back to Autobiographical songs again....er, this is very true to lifei think that makes a good basis for the best songs. isn't there some saying like write about what you know. what better than your own life? sorry to hear how true to life this is. :(
this is a good song. you really capture a mood here. really makes you sympathise with the narrator. and you manage to makes us feel the situation in this house. i like th angle you took of a man caught in the middle of a on going battle between mom and daughter or step something or other.
let's preserve the feminine mystique.......ah God Bless 'em!!! it is for the best. it would be just too hard to try to figure us out. :wink: that is my advice in women, don't try to figure us out, you won't win. once you think you have us figured out we change or are too stubborn to admit that you have figured us out. so it is a lose-lose situation for guys. i haven't even been able to figure myself out :oops: much less other women.
instead of playing the fool I should play the guitar.......hmmmmm. that's not a bad line...........!!!!! this line is certainly a keeper.
hope the weekend alone did you well.
-CheapThrill
hey vic:)
yesterday I watched 'before sunrise' and 'before sunset'(beautiful movies!) and one character said everything an author(or a songwriter for that matter) writes is partly autobiographical for it's still his eyes through which he sees the world...something of yourself always manages to sneak into the song, I guess, even if you're not aware of it;)
like your song:) especially the idea of 'keeping the score'
instead of playing the fool I should play the guitarI love that line, too :D
hope you enjoyed yourself(even without recording) 8)
bluenightangel
"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin
:D :D :D
I had a great weekend.......watched a lot of sport, NO Coronation St/Eastenders/Emmerdale omnibuses.......saw a few good films on the movie channels too......
But it was so quiet....no-one to talk to - the silence was deafening......hmmm that's another good line.....
Also got to listen to lots of LOUD music, played guitar a lot......I've managed to salvage a couple of backing tracks, just have to play a lot more and build those callouses back up.........
Ah well - I might have to stick to songwiting for a few days till the fingers are better....
:D :D :D
Vic
And Liverpool finally won an away match!!!!
And guess who's playing tonight? And guess who'll be watching the match while the Mrs is at bingo???
:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
Hi Vic, Cool song You coudnt have said it better. On a subject most ignore. Good writing. Ken...
lyrics belong in songs, poems bolong in bookstores
Vic,
I feel for ya, mate. I've 2 daughters, one a teenager, one will be soon. And my wife's sister lives with us. So, ... 2 sets of sisters under one roof, and all the sibling bickering that goes with it. Even the cat's a girl. Oy.
The only thing I'd tweak in the song, is one small nit-picky bit, and for all I know, it's colloquial, so you be the judge. Anyways, in the line:
Go at each other like tooth and nail,
I'd change "like" to "with".
-- Scratch 8)
-- Scratch 8)
"...if heartaches were commercials, we'd all be on TV" -- John Prine
42
Just wondering, thought about changing the chorus like Scratch said, "with" is better.......
But then I had a slightly different idea......
"They fight like cat and dog,
Go at each other, tooth and claw,
And he's just the man in the middle,
Emotions scraped red-raw"
And also thought about changing the title to "Man in the Middle" (or "The Man in the Middle"....but I think the first looks better.......
I am really having a hard time deciding, so as usual any feedback would be most welcome.....
Vic.
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
hey vic,
i think the term is actually "go at each other tooth and nail" i don't think the phrase has either the word like or with in it.
i do like your new idea for a chorus. it puts more emotion in it. makes you feel more for the man in the middle, like the imagery, very strong. i think it is much better.
"Man in the Middle" gets my vote. i don't think you need the extra 'the' at the begining. the title house on fire did kinda bug me a bit.
-CheapThrill
EDIT: After thinking about this, I decided not to change it totally, but put the alternative title next to the original, and the alternative chorus also at the side of the original......should make it easier to compare........
Vic.
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
Emotions rubbed red-raw
that's great:) I'd prefer your 'new' chorus and I'd also take the following title : 'man in the middle'
improved your song a lot :wink:
bluenightangel
"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin
8) 8) I like the line " they fight like cat and dog"-" go at each other ,tooth and claw" nice work, I think most of us can relate at some level.- :D :D smkindog.
:D I like the title :!:
Hi Vic,
I'm just popping in because I did critique another and I didn't want anyone to feel lonely.
You've got a good story and flow to your lyric.
You keep things cliche free except the chorus where I think you've used it pretty darn well.
You have some good imagery in there.
...but, you tend to tell me what's going on. Is there a way to show me?
Take the first verse; the first line is good. The second line tells me what he does. The third line tells me again. The last line is fine.
Paint a picture and think of your lyric as that picture. Now tell me what you see.
Take some fire imagery and just free write images that come to mind.
Fire break
axes
hoses
firetrucks
alarms
sirens
smoke
smoke inhalation
choking
Then try to stick some of what you come up with back in. Here is an example purely for examples sake. You can do much better than I will here:
His daughter and his wife are a house on fire,
He's cutting the fire break, racing the flames
choking off all conversation, sirens in argument,
And nobody's, ever to blame.....
Just my two cents.
Nick
Nick, I can see exactly what you mean, those are great lines.....but don't you think there's a cut-off point where one has to cut through the bull, drop the mental imagery/ mind painting and actually tell it like it is? There are only so many ways one can stretch a metaphor out........
Some of us write poetry......some paint pictures lyrically.....some write the absolute truth........some bend the truth to music.......we all have our own perspective, I for one love reading other people's songs on here, to see what they come up with.......
I like to think of myself as a songwriter who's getting better by the week at expressing his self...I just wish (back to week 48, lol) I was a good enough guitarist/singer to do justice to the mental soundpaintings I have in my head.....I know exactly how a song should be played when I write it, getting it recorded is the hard part.......
Vic
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
If you take a look at most of the better singer songwriters out there, they use plenty of imagery. Most new writers use way to little. Until you get comfy using it, I suggest you use as much as you can. Once you get there, you can pare it down.
That doesn't mean you need to fill things chock full of imagery.
Personally, I think the lines I wrote have waaaayyy too much imagery.
but take the exercise I was trying to show you, fill the verses up, them pare them back down. That will probably leave you with a good mix.
But to answer your question, no, I don't think there is a point where you want to completely strip away metaphor, imagery and other devices so you can tell it like it is. You may want to go easy, you may want to go heavy, but you want to use it.
