My protest song with added bridge

Trev

I was tempted to look at the other forum and read the comments
but would rather give my raw thoughts.

This part blows me away
Your politically correct speeches
Dressed in fine fancy clothes
Are your words trying to reach us
For our minds are never closed

This Line part is giving a little trouble though
When you close your eyes at night time

When you dream your dreams at night time

Those two lines don't sit quite right with me.

If you were to eliminate the word time the line becomes way too
cliche and over used.
When you close your eyes at night

How about
When you close your eyes in the night time

When you dream your dreams in the night time

Other than that it reminds me of John Lennon's "How Can You Sleep"

Good Job

John

Thanks for your feed back John ..

Darn I really don't want to record my hopeless playing but it looks I might have to so you can get those lines that are toubling you ..

(--soft--){--louder------}(----soft--)
When you close your eyes at night time

(--soft--){--louder-}(----soft--)
Do you close your mind as well

(--soft--){--louder-------------}(----soft--)
When you dream your dreams at night time

(--soft--){-louder}(----soft--)
Are your thoughts there to sell

mmmm thats the best I can do till I build up the courage and try to record it

Trev...

Hey Trev,

I like this too, I think the problem with those two lines is that they have the same ending, sometimes that works sometimes it doesnt.

You could try something like this:
When you close your eyes at night time
Do you close your mind as well
And when you dream your dreams sometimes
Are your thoughts there to sell

this is a great mate,

cheers

Paul

Thanks for the suggestion Paul

It doesn't distract from what I want to say

Nice ....Thanks

I think it's pretty good, with the alterations above, but....there's always a but, isn't there!...I think it could do with another verse, maybe just to sum things up.....jusy seems a little short....

:D :D :D

Vic

double posting bugger

When you close your eyes at night time
Do you close your mind as well
And when you dream your dreams sometimes
Are your thoughts there to sell

Your politically correct speeches
Dressed in fine fancy clothes
Are your words trying to reach us
For our minds are never closed

We may not all be educated
At school some did fail
Your theories will be debated
In our homes and our jails

ADDED BRIDGE

Dam your taxes Dam that scale
Don't push us further you will fail
I pay my taxes and I vote
You'll become an international joke

We're not impressed by arrogance
Your deeds are worth much more
With all your style and elegance
Remember we can show you the door

When you close your eyes at night time
Do you close your mind as well
And when you dream your dreams sometimes
Are your thoughts there to sell

======

Something along those lines Vic ?

I have even started writting from the other perpctive and am playing around with a bridge , changing the rhymn scheme is giveing me a big head ache though ..