Nick's week 50 choruses

Hey Nick

I like the vagueness of Mermaid Avenue. The amount of information that the verses can supply (not to mention the listener) is still close to endless. It makes me want to hear the rest of the song, which, considering it's unwritten at this point, is pretty cool.

And, as with Bob's choruses, the only things I'd add is just little tweaks word-wise. In People Full of Holes, for instance:

Did I become what I should be?
while losing all that's inside of me
Earned respect but lost my soul?

these two changs might highlight the "inside / outside" conflict. Maybe not, though...

Peace

Hi Nick,
Mermaid Avenue
this is good, I think by not committing the chorus too much to anything in particular just yet there is still plenty of scope for the verses.

People full of holes
People full of holes
Ex-pec-tations
and frus-tra-tions
Did I become what I should be?
and lose all that's inside of me
Earned respect and lost my soul?
People full of holes
I like what you've done here too. For me the middle bit feels a little awkward in the phrasing, maybe an minor tweak, just my thoughts.
People full of holes
Ex-pec-tations
and frus-tra-tions
Have I become what I should be?
and lost all that's inside of me
Earned respect without a soul?
People full of holes
Cheers

Paul

I missed this place. Thanks for the comments they really make me think.

I agree the middle was a little weird. How about more active and an internal rhyme?

People full of holes
Ex-pec-tations
and frus-tra-tions
Now I'm what I should be
It only cost what was me
Got respect and lost my soul
People full of holes

Bonus points for anyone who can find the hidden uhhh, thing, ummm I mean reference in Mermaid Avenue.

Reads a lot nicer now. Cool.

As for Mermaid Avenue, I'm drawing a total blank, unless it's a reference to Woody. I'm not even sure I could find it even if I wasn't going on eight hours sleep since Friday...

Peace

It's a little thing

Eight hours sleep? Heck if I don't get that in a night I'm in trouble.

Yeah, thats good Nick

Paul

It's a little thing...

The small "a" in "avenue?"

Peace

No oh sleepless one...

The story of the little Mermaid, who gives away her voice so she can walk or stroll......

I'll be the first to admit it isn't obvious, but it really wasn't supposed to be. It's just that's where the idea for the chorus came from.

My thanks, especially since I wouldn't have gotten that even if I'd slept since I saw you last. :wink:

More important - I think it's cool how you used this as a starting point for the chorus. That will give me more to think about...

Peace

Hi Nick,

Mermaid Avenue

You gave up your voice
it seemed like the right choice
what seemed so clear
has disappeared
there's nothing left for you to do
but stroll down Mermaid avenue

It took me a while to get a handle on the first four lines, as I still had the Tom Waits style verse you wrote in my head, and was expecting a continuation of what I'd been imagining from that. But having read the comments above, I'm now I'm having trouble with getting the Little Mermaid to stroll on that fish tail.... Still early morning here so I'm obviously getting my imagery all crossed up here, and/or being too literal about the whole thing. I'll try again later after more coffee and food... :wink:

People full of holes

Ex-pec-tations
and frus-tra-tions
Did I become what I should be?
and lose all that's inside of me
Earned respect and lost my soul?
People full of holes

I instantly liked that one. :D What came across straight away was that it was written by someone who is also a singer and not just a poet or prose writer. Can something be "written from the throat"? :wink: Anyway - it immediately sang!

Currently I prefer those middle two lines to the changed ones, but either gets a good message across. Most importantly, it sounds like a chorus not a verse, and would do the chorus job of punching the message home when repeated.

Cheers,

Chris