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Please Don't Leave Wk. 50

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(@nitetrapper)
Estimable Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 149
Topic starter  

A pink dress new shiny shoes.
Going to her first day of school.
At the bus she holds on tight.
Don't worry it'll be alright.
Chorus
(she says)
Please don't leave me daddy.
I don't want you to go.
I'm afraid that I'll be lonely.
Just stay with me at home.
Promise You'll be here.
If I cant make it thru the day.
Please don't leave me daddy.
I'm begging you to stay.
v2
I drive her to the university.
I see her excitement as she looks at me.
Try to hide the worry from my face.
Hand her my visa just in case.
Chorus
(he thinks)
I wish you didn't have to leave baby.
I don't want you to go.
I'm afraid that you'll be lonely.
Just ride with me back home.
Promise that you'll call me.
Any time any day.
I wish you didn't have to leave baby.
How I wish you could just stay.
v3
The accident was bad they said
The doctors say I should be dead.
She grabs my hand, says just sit tight.
Don't you worry it'll be alright.
Chorus
(she says)
Please don't leave me daddy.
I don't want you to go.
I'm afraid that I'll be lonely.
Make sure you come with me back home.
You promised that you'd be here.
If I cant make it thru the day.
Please don't leave me daddy.
I'm begging you to stay.
Outtro
Please don't leave me daddy.
I need you more and more each day.
You see daddy, theres a baby on the way.

lyrics belong in songs, poems bolong in bookstores


   
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(@cheapthrill)
Estimable Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 224
 

hey nite,

:( :cry: :( :cry: :(

needless to say to got the emotion across. talk about tugging at the heart strings. and i don't even have a father daughter type relationship with my dad.

i like how the song switches from father to daughter in each verse and chorus. and then at the end it comes full circle with the daughter being pregnant. it is also great how you take the different situations through out life and bring them together.

song like this make me think country, maybe tim mcgraw style (his newer stuff) . this song flows great and nothing really threw me off wording or meter wise. i like when songs don't do that.

great job, i think it has been a couple weeks since a song really hit me like your did.

-CheapThrill


   
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(@nitetrapper)
Estimable Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 149
Topic starter  

Thanks Cheap Thrill, Glad you liked it. These are the hardest songs for me to write. Because you have to go from young to old and make it make sense. In such a short time. Thanks again Nite.....

lyrics belong in songs, poems bolong in bookstores


   
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(@vic-lewis-vl)
Illustrious Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 10264
 

well well well!!!.........nice to see you in this forum, seen a lot of your songs in Songwriter's Club, hell I look out for your songs in there....

This is great, like CT said, I love the way you change the point of view from verse to verse....the only small point I'd question, you'd give your daughter your bank card? Are you totally insane? Wouldn't let my daughters in the same room as my wallet..........!!!!

Nice litle twist to the ending too......

Look forward to reading more from you on this forum, it really does give you the chance to stretch yourself......

:D :D :D

Vic.

"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)


   
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(@nitetrapper)
Estimable Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 149
Topic starter  

Hi Vic, Nice to hear from you also. Iv,e been stuck in some kinda writers block latley. Thats why I have'nt posted much. If I try to force any writings they come out terrible so I just wait for ideas to come back naturally. Glad you liked the song. As far as the Visa goes.Me and my wife tried for many years and went thru many misscarriages to have our only girl. And I guess I'm so thankfull that I do spoil her. When I wrote the song it just felt like something I would do. Shes only 8 Maybe at 16 I'll change my mind.LOL. take care friend. Ken........

lyrics belong in songs, poems bolong in bookstores


   
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(@spadge)
Estimable Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 89
 

Pass me the bucket...

No seriously, this is very cool, made for a good read.

Find all you need in your mind, If you take the time


   
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(@nitetrapper)
Estimable Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 149
Topic starter  

Thanks Spage,glad you liked the song.Take Care. Nite................

lyrics belong in songs, poems bolong in bookstores


   
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(@scratchmonkey)
Honorable Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 603
 

Hi Nitetrapper,

Afraid I haven't much to add here. It's a rather poignant piece and well told. Reads like a country tune to me. Good work.

-- Scratch 8)

-- Scratch 8)


"...if heartaches were commercials, we'd all be on TV" -- John Prine
42


   
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(@straycat)
Noble Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 1282
 

hey nite:)

really a touching song, as cheapthrill said.
thanks for sharing that one, love it.

bluenightangel

......there's nothing I would change....except maybe(it's nit-picky, sorry) the 'here' in the chorus to 'there'...feels better to me, but hey, it's great either way.

"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin


   
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