SSG 11 Week 19 Maybe - mp3

Hi all,

I haven't been around here for a while, but when I dropped in for a peek this morning I saw that David H was having trouble with the PM function.

Now, in this day and age, that usually means a call to a Help Line who maybe....just MAYBE.... might actually answer. Or maybe not.... So this is a quick-n-dirty song about help lines.

Apologies for not waiting to do the mysterious numbers thing, but I know from past experience that if I don't sit straight down and bang out the main part of a song when I first get the idea, then I rarely ever get back to it.

It was recorded through a pinhole mic at the top of my monitor, and the singing and chords were pretty much improvised as I went along so are rather inconsistent. But then waiting on a help line is pretty rough and monotonous too, so ... maybe ... that's all appropriate.

Cheers,

Chris

Click here to play:

Maybe

Words:

"Please Hold. Your call is important to us. We have a particularly large target quota of customers to piss off today."

Maybe we'll answer you, maybe we won't
Maybe we give a darn , but maybe we don't
Maybe we have a clue, or maybe we're all daft
But genuine customer service - please don't make us laugh.....

Every now and then we'll play a ringing tone
To con you into thinking that we may pick the phone
Instead we'll play an advert for some crummy thing we sell
And send you round and round again in telephonic hell
Now we've got your puny dollars we don't care about your loss
Tell someone else your problem, cos we don't give a toss..

"To purchase one of our fine range of products please ring the Sales Department. Unlike the other departments, they are actually connected to a working telephone."

You'll hang onto the phone until your hand starts turning blue
And if some random chance lets you finally get through
Then someone from a foreign land you cannot understand
Will jabber incoherently then press the wrong command
And send you back to join the neverending bloody queue
AHAHAHAHA ..............that's the end of you.

"Please select from the following options. Press 1 to remain in the queue and listen to annoying canned music and sales messages. Press 2,3,4 or 5 to return to option 1."

We might let you talk one day, we'd really rather not
We'd much prefer to torture you until you lose the plot.
When you throw your phone hard enough against the wall
Then you won't be able to ring us up at all...
We're tired of all your moaning your weeping and your wails
We rather spend our time chatting up the girls in Sales..

"We are experiencing heavy demand today. Please get your descendents to try again next century."

We can't help today because the man who used to know
Left to join another firm, we had to let him go
He was wasting too much time, can you imagine that
Solving customer problems and other needless chat
So now we have this nice machine to save us all the pain
And now we never have to deal with customers again

Maybe we'll answer you, maybe we won't
Maybe we give a darn , but maybe we don't
Maybe we have a clue, or maybe we're all daft
But genuine customer service - please don't make us laugh.....