the inspiration for this song is kind of, well, if you didn't know it inspired me, you wouldn't know because it's out there, but it inspired me (did that make ANY sense???)
but the line i used was "to being an us for once/instead of a them" from "La Vie Boheme" from the movie version of RENT.
"Title"
Alone in a dark, dank environ
Waiting for someone to love
Singing out like a siren
Letting push come to shove
My joints were once lame
My heart, it had been maimed
I was alone ‘til you came
Now I'll never be the same
Should I trust you?
Should I tell you a lie?
Are you one of the few?
Who will help keep me alive?
Stare at my broken heart
Torn and mangled by all
So I tore myself apart
I let myself take the fall
I hated all that I was
Psychosis to overcome
I'm only here because
When I hurt, you didn't keep mum
Should I trust you?
Should I tell you a lie?
Are you one of the few?
Who will help keep me alive?
Phone calls in the night
The things I said
Gave you such a fright
Because you listened I'm still alive
I can trust you
I won't tell you lies
You are one of the few
Who has kept me alive
I can trust you
I won't tell you lies
You are one of the few
Who has kept me alive!
i'ts just the vocals so far, and i am DEFINITELY not a singer! but, you get the idea http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandID=518453 check it out. and tell me how awful of a singer i am ;)
Hi Ruepickle,
Im not going to comment about your singing other that to say that if its something you want to do, and you feel uncomfortable with where you're at, at the moment, I would recommend that you get some lessons (that's what I did). You don't need many to get the basics. As for your song, I like it apart from a couple of lines that Im not that keen on.
Letting push come to shove
It's a good line but I'm not convinced it works here because its such a common saying it just feels a little forced. Maybe something like:
Alone in a dark, dank environ
Waiting for someone to love
Singing out like a siren
To the demons below or angels above
And this line
When I hurt, you didn't keep mum
I just don't like the “mum†word, but sorry I can't think of another way of phrasing that verse. Anyway this is just my opinion, overall I think it's a good song. Well done :D
Paul
I agree with everything Paul has mentioned here , and would like to add that there is nothing wrong with your voice as far as singing goes
( I wish I sounded like that :lol: )
You sounded a bit scared or uncertain with the singing , relax ..
Yeah 1 or 2 singing lessons would be a great help to you
Hey I can't sing myself but I have had a few lessons as well (9 actually )
Only because I was enjoying myself so much ,
hilch
Here is to you as good as you are
And here is to me as bad as I am
As good as you are and as bad as I am
I'm as good as you are as bad as I am
i was SOOO flippin nervous about the singing. it'll get better. first time i've ever recorded my singing and shared it with anyone!
i agree with both lines. those were the two lines i thought were weak. expect a rewrite come i don't know when. maybe monday or tuesday.
(this whole job thing keeps you busier than skipping class at college. . .)
:lol: :lol:
Your nerves will disappear soon enough .. keep writting and singing
and for a title I forgot to memtion before how about
" Should I "
Hilch
Here is to you as good as you are
And here is to me as bad as I am
As good as you are and as bad as I am
I'm as good as you are as bad as I am
Good Song
Not much to add to what's already been mentioned.
Your voice and arrangement of this reminds a little
of Suzanne Vega
I really like the accapella "du du du du" guitar solo.
John
Hi Rue
Don't worry about the vocals your voice sounds a lot better than mine (and some other people's) - if you want some help there is a forum on GuitarNoise for singing which is worth a visit.
One concern with the song was the change in rhyme scheme from V1 (ABAB) to V2(AAAA) and then then back to ABAB again for the rest ofthe song. Would have been interesting if you could have carried on this change because on its own it seems out of place.
Otherwise good stuff
Bob :wink:
You are what you eat, eat well
