SSG 44 Which way does the wind blow now with MP3

hi jamir,

another very effective song,

only thing i'd queary is the middle line of the chorus it just seems to me like detail for the sake of detail, and doesn't actually add much to the meaning of the song, except that it give a little extra depth to the gypsy reference.

one view of a chorus is that it should be a summary of the main message of the song, it would be could if you could find a way to contextualise the 'gypse' whilst at the same time as putting across your message.

rob :)

Jamir, it makes me laugh when you ask me questions like that.  I listen to your MP3s and think you should be doing this, not me. ;)

Then I read how you say you have trouble with you melodies.  Damn girl, I've got to tell you you write some haunting melodies.  Wish I could.

About this lyric, first off for pushing the limits with imagery you wrote a marvelous piece.  There are a couple of places that are stretches, but that is easily remedied.

What you wrote was a still picture.  I think it seems odd to you because you usually write movies.  Now that you have gone above and beyond the call of duty with images, try incorporating a bit of this into the movies.  You already do to some extent, but the first verse of what you wrote below is mind bogglingly good.

A cloudless cigarette hangs from her lips
Extinguished by the porous storm

That goes in the "Wish I wrote that" column with a couple of Alan's lines.

This is the only verse that pushes beyond the limit.

A transparent genie lamp, for a world to see
Obnoxious worm in quaint cocoon

Just a victim of her doom

Crystal ball to see the world
deadly worm in quaint cocoon
Or black widow spider in sheep's clothes
inviting victims to their doom

I don't know.  Imagery doesn't need to be profound or complex.  Seems contrary doesn't it.  

Good stuff.

Hi'a Nick,

Thank you very much for the compliments and the suggestions, will see what I can do about the other lines, my partner also didn't get the line about Obnoxious worm in quaint cocoon  and sid what  ??? ??? ???

but I must admit, I went about writing the last two assignments in a totally different way,  maybe I should let you know how for a topic suggestion for one of the up coming weeks, cos' it sure has gotten me inspired   ;D

Go well
Jamir ;)

Absolutely.  Send me an IM or email.

Jamir,

"Which way does the wind blow ?
Ask the gypsy i don't know"

That's one hell of a line !

As for the verses: please play out of your league more often !

Finally, the inevitable slightly less appreciated lines:

"Lucid moon hangs in depleted wind"
"Deafening silence, hang in lifeless air "

That's two times "hang" and I'm not even sure I'd like it once. It sounds like a brushed up cliché to me. As always, remember I'm not native in English. Hence, I may also be false in highly regarding your "Obnoxious worm in quaint cocoon  Or black widow spider in raucous clothes": I had to look up quaint and raucous. After looking it up, I liked it even more and I disagree with Nick. (Blasphemy !)

Cheers

Dieter

Hi'a
I have revised the words to this song and sent an mp3 to Adam , hopfully it will be uploaded shortly........ :)  It really needs to be sung by 2 people but i am sure you can get the jist of what i am trying to accomplish here.

I will be off line ,computerless and guitarless  :'(from the 24th September till mid October as we are moving to CapeTown South Africa and all my bits and bobs are being shipped. So i hope Adam gets to upload it and I can hear some comments before then, otherwise please look out for it ..........ok.

Revised Lyrics

Which way does the wind blow

A cloudless cigarette hangs from her lips
Extinguished by the porous storm( Make yourself a wish and gaze into the ball )
Lucid moon hangs in depleted wind
Fading with approaching dawn (cross her palm with silver and she'll reveal  all)
A crystal ball to  see the world
Deadly worm in quaint cocoon   ( Make yourself a wish and gaze into the ball )
Black widow spider in sheep's clothes
Inviting victims to their doom (cross her palm with silver and she'll reveal  all)

Which way does the wind blow ?,        Ask the gypsy I don't know
Make a wish, gaze into the ball, cross her palm with silver and she'll reveal all
Which way does the wind blow ?,   Ask the gypsy ‘cos only she knows

On a folded suitcase, to celebrate today
A photograph of days gone by  ( Make yourself a wish and gaze into the ball )
Deafening silence, hang in lifeless air
Time elapsed, freedoms sigh (cross her palm with silver and she'll reveal all)

Junkie dreams of phsycadelic shades and hues
Where's  the fairy child of yester year ( Make yourself a wish and gaze into the ball )
A shopping trolley of goods standing by
With her wrinkles, tatters  and cares  (cross her palm with silver and she'll reveal all)
Chorus

Go well
Jamir ;)

This is really good Jamir -- I especially like the rewrite!  I'm looking forward to hearing your mp3!

:)Portia

Hi'a

Any comments on the MP3 I posted for this song would be most appreciated !!!!!

Jamir ;)

You make good use of internal rhyme and near rhyme in the last two verses.  Changing "shades and hues" to "memories" would fulfill the internal rhyme scheme, adding more depth to the song, as well as accentuating the fact that she is not who she used to be.

On a folded suitcase, to celebrate today
A photograph of days gone by  ( Make yourself a wish and gaze into the ball )
Deafening silence, hang in lifeless air
Time elapsed, freedoms sigh (cross her palm with silver and she'll reveal all)

Junkie dreams of phsycadelic shades and hues memories
Where's  the fairy child of yester year ( Make yourself a wish and gaze into the ball )
A shopping trolley of goods standing by
With her wrinkles, tatters  and cares  (cross her palm with silver and she'll reveal all)

A tad bit more echo on the accompanyment vocals, and a slight increase in instrument volume would make the song feel more full-bodied.

It is a very haunting song, and I like it.  It is on my daughter's cd of favorite Jamir songs (along with For the First Time, Even When I'm Sleeping, Too Late, Desert Tears, and Emerald Eyes which she calls "the first time I fell in love with you") which she has shared with her daycare class.  All of the kids and teachers really like it a lot.

I'm telling you, get to a professional recording studio and record a demo disc of those songs I listed and you'll be on your way.  Those songs more than any others really highlite the diversity you are capable of within the folk genre.  Go for it!

Thanks muchly for the boost of confidence my friend, you always know how to get me going and try harder than before  :D

Will get to work on the changes and a more professional recording when my goodies arrive on the ship, around mid november
Once again thanks for the imput
Jamir ;)