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SSG First Timer on Week 44 Assignment

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(@mpeeler3)
Eminent Member
Joined: 15 years ago
Posts: 11
Topic starter  

Hello all,

I'm a new comer to the group and this is my first real attempt at a song. I saw week 44's assignment on Time and thought it would be a good place to start. This is my attempt at telling where I've been, where I am, and where I'm going. I have a tune in my head, but I haven't tried to actually put the words to music yet. I look forward to your feedback.

“A Little Faith and Time”
I've got time on my hands But it ain't on my side
Look at my life and think What a long strange ride.
I've got time on my hands. I've got time to look back
I look at my life and wonder How things got so out of whack

I'd almost lost my faith,
Things happen when they should
I'd almost lost my faith,
I knew that they would.

I've got time on my hands. Time to look at my life
And remember the day I made you my wife
I've got time on my hands. This is how it should be
On the day you gave us another little me.

I'd almost lost my faith,
things always happen when they should
I'd almost lost my faith,
I knew that they would.

I've got time on my hands. Now that I've found my way
I look forward to each and every day.
All things work out when you give it some time
Just a little faith and a little time


   
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(@alangreen)
Member
Joined: 22 years ago
Posts: 5342
 

Welcome to the party, and there's nothing like a Sunday Songwriters Assignment to provide the musical equivalent of jumping in the deep end.

I struggled with some of the line lengths, trying to fit each line into four beats, and I think I'd switch the chorus around a little to read

I'd almost lost my faith,
I knew that I would.
I'd almost lost my faith,
Things happen when they should

But there's nothing wrong with what you've done otherwise.

A :-)

"Be good at what you can do" - Fingerbanger"
I have always felt that it is better to do what is beautiful than what is 'right'" - Eliot Fisk
Wedding music and guitar lessons in Essex. Listen at: http://www.rollmopmusic.co.uk


   
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 Celt
(@celt)
Famed Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 2649
 

Good Start!

At first I thought it started out a little cliche
I've got time on my hands But it ain't on my side
Look at my life and think What a long strange ride.

Many other song have used this same imagery many times (excuse the pun)

You got a good story line going and lots of potential with a little "spit and polish"

Keep up the good work.

:note1: :note1: :note1:

John

My SoundClick Page

Collaborations

" It's easier than waiting around to die" Townes Van Zandt


   
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(@vic-lewis-vl)
Illustrious Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 10264
 

Hello, good evening, welcome to GN and welcome to the SSG!

AS Alan said, it's good to jump in at the deep end....so far you're floating. I like the developing storyline....it is a bit cliched ( rhyming wife with life, be with me....) but it's a good starting point. Every writer had to start somewhere - I cringe when I look back at my early SSG songs, and still cringe nowadays when someone points out a phrase or line they don't like.

The great thing about this forum is, no-one will ever tell you "this SUCKS!" - at least, not without offering an honest opinion about WHY it sucks, and probably offering suggestions as to how to improve your song.

So stick around, write when you can, but at least look at the assignments every week and try and think about a verse or chorus.....hey, even an incomplete song is better posted than left to rot. You may come up with a chorus, but not know where to go with it: you'll get suggestions as to how to build from there, and you might even get a song out of it!

Try starting with this week's assignment; come up with a few titles you think might stimulate someone's imagination. It's part of a multi-part assignment (we have a couple of them each SSG year) - it's about co-writing or collaborating, I suppose. What we usually end up with is about half-a-dozen songs where someone's suggested a title, someone else has written a verse, a third person has added the choruses, and maybe even a bridge or a second verse.....

Then look at the titles posted by other contributors - see if there's anything there that fires the old brain cells up.

But DO stick around - we can promise you all feedback on your songs will be well meaning and friendly. We're all in this to help each other - oh, and don't be scared of saying what you think about other people's songs. Feedback is the lifeblood of this forum - the more opinions, the better. Always nice to see a new point of view!

All the best,

:D :D :D

Vic

"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)


   
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(@jamestoffee)
Famed Member
Joined: 15 years ago
Posts: 2855
 

Welcome!

Yes, the first post is the hardest.....so it will only get easier from here on :wink:

As far as this song, I can't quite fit all the pieces together. The music would probably help get a sense of the mood. It seems as if the singer could be grateful for the relationships in life (wife and kid) and is thankful he is mature enough to reflect and appreciate them while he has them.....on the other hand, the descriptions aren't so intimate.....

I've got time on my hands. Time to look at my life
And remember the day I made you my wife
I've got time on my hands. This is how it should be
On the day you gave us another little me.

In addition, I am not clear about:

I'd almost lost my faith,
Things happen when they should
I'd almost lost my faith,
I knew that they would.

You say "things happen".....more detail would let the listener know if these are positive or negative things.....
......."I'd almost lost my faith," implies negative......
......then "I knew that they would." I am not sure how that fits b/c if you knew negative things would happen, then how would that prompt you to lose your faith?.....It would seem a missed expectation would be the catalyst to losing one's faith......

....I would like to hear clarifications, but don't feel obliged that you have to spell it all out :wink:

James


   
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 KR2
(@kr2)
Famed Member
Joined: 17 years ago
Posts: 2717
 

Hard to say without the music but from a beat that I hear, this is how I would word the first verse,

I've got time on my hands
But it ain't on my side
(I) Look back on my life
And see a (haphazard, wandering, misguided, runaway, uncontrolled) ride.
I've got time on my hands.
I've had time to look back
(At) Where it all went wrong
(And) How things got out of whack (And how it went off the track)

Instead of 'long strange', a three syllable word seems to fit better

Welcome to SSG

It's the rock that gives the stream its music . . . and the stream that gives the rock its roll.


   
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(@stikman)
Reputable Member
Joined: 15 years ago
Posts: 237
 

Welcome to the group. Great first post.

"All battles are first won or lost in the mind." - Joan of Arc

"It took me about 20 years to figure out how to write without inspiration. Thankfully, I got there." - Leon Russell


   
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(@alangreen)
Member
Joined: 22 years ago
Posts: 5342
 

You'll be interested to know mpeeler3 sent me a PM about the line lengths - where they look a bit long they're actually broken over two lines, so you have eight-line verses

A :-)

"Be good at what you can do" - Fingerbanger"
I have always felt that it is better to do what is beautiful than what is 'right'" - Eliot Fisk
Wedding music and guitar lessons in Essex. Listen at: http://www.rollmopmusic.co.uk


   
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(@mpeeler3)
Eminent Member
Joined: 15 years ago
Posts: 11
Topic starter  

WOW!!!!!

Thanks to everyone for the feedback!

Frist to KR2 you are exactly right on the wording of the first verse. For whatever reason I had two lines per line when I entered it in SSG.

To James Good points! I'll take a look at those things and see if I improve on things a little bit.

Again, thanks to all


   
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(@mpeeler3)
Eminent Member
Joined: 15 years ago
Posts: 11
Topic starter  

James made a good point about knowing the story behind the song, so here it is.
I hit 40 a few years ago, was single with no prospects of any serous relationship with anyone and I started looking back and wondering if all the things I had done were worth it. I'd always had a lot of faith that it would eventually happen, but due to a lot of choices in my life I started wondering if the choices were worth it, and starting losing the faith I had had. Up until that point I had always had faith that it would happen some day.

So at that point I took a long look at myself made a few (OK more than a few) changes in my life and just before I turned 41 I met the woman who was my soulmate. We got married about 6 months later and had a little boy not a whole lot longer after that.

That leads me to where I am today which is a pretty happy person with a good wife and a pretty incredible little boy.

With that said I've made a few changes in the lyrics, and would love to hear suggestions from the group on how I might be able to get this story across a little better.
“A Little Faith and Time”

I've had time on my hands
But it wasn't on my side
To look at my life and think
What a long strange ride.
I had time on my hands.
I had time to look back
To look at my life and wonder
How things got so out of whack

I'd almost lost my faith,
I was afraid that I would.
I'd almost lost my faith,
Good things happen when they should

I've got time on my hands.
Time to look at my life
And remember that wonderful day
You became my wife
I've got time on my hands.
Time to know this is how it should be
On the day
you had another little me.

I'd almost lost my faith,
I was afraid that I would.
I'd almost lost my faith,
Good things happen when they should

I've got time on my hands.
Now that I've found my way
I look forward to
each and every day.
All things work out
when you give it some time
Just a little faith
and a little time


   
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(@jamestoffee)
Famed Member
Joined: 15 years ago
Posts: 2855
 

Hi Mark,
with a good wife and a pretty incredible little boy.
Yes, indeed....count your blessings :D Thanks for sharing some of the background.

Suggestion:
Get more personal in the details in the song.

This suggestion might have the potential for going sappy if you take this line of thought, but the suggestion would be "pin more of the happiness" or attribute more to the soul mate....

...For me, it seems to need a bit more intimacy and dependence on the soul mate or relationship....Otherwise, it seems to come across more philosophical....like this song is a tribute to my ideology that "Good things happen when they should" and my ideology is still intact......and again there is nothing wrong with that...if that was the preferred angle, personification is a great way to develop "intimacy" with ideas..... :? Does that read as weird as it felt when I just typed it :lol: .....Anyway.....

Again love songs/tributes are written again and again, but that's when the details of one's life come into play to giving the song its unique voice and balance between personal experience and universal theme.

Take or leave whatever you wish....just brainstorming a bit.

James


   
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