ssg week 13 - twice in the back

this is absolutely a brilliant song. it leaves a lot options for what kind of music is to be played for it.

It certainly is angry. But curiously it's hard to determine why the singer is so angry. Could be so many things... Maybe that's part of the appeal.

Personally, though, I'd suggest you might try to give both the narrator and the emotions a little more depth.

Peace

sheena,

I hope you don't think I'm being too nit-picky with this.  I never used to listen to angry music.  Only since I started participating in this forum have I started to try to read or understand it.  I agree with David.  I think if I was privy to the event itself, this would be a very meaningful piece.  
I think the first verse almost sets the scene, but you could probably split it after "changed your ways" and make it two verses.  Use the rest of verse 1 to fill in the blanks, and then just come up with a lead in to verse two, which would be pretty complete as it is.  
Now here's the nit-picky part:

stab me twice in the back
Feel the trigger
Bleed black...

Typically, stabbing conjures an image of a knife, or possibly sword, dagger, bayonet, ice-pick, whatever.  But triggers are on guns.  (or sometimes on spring-loaded traps, but that wouldn't fit here) I guess... if you stabbed with a bayonet that was attached to a gun,... but by now you're way down to the bridge, and I've totally missed the second verse.  Because either consciously or subconsciously, the listener is trying to resolve this incongruous image in their mind.

This sounds like a good song, but I think you could make it an excellent song.

this is what i got, please dont let the anger drive u away

Anger is a valid emotion which requires an outlet so don't worry about that.  Initially this comes across pretty well but I agree with david and scratch it doesn't tell the whole story I do think you need to expand on that somewhere in the song but without losing the anger try and hint at it.  I thought the line Jacked me up then stole my spine was going to do that as it did sort of hint at being led astray or coercion.

I'm also getting a fairly slow, minor key feel to it but with plenty of overdrive on the guitar - Is that where you were going?

Good stuff

Bob :)

I also think "stole my spine" has a strength to it that I'm not picking up elsewhere.  The slight suggestion of giving up your own power, or Self, to another.