It's 2am
It's 2am, I'm sitting at a bus stop watching the clock
Guitar in hand
Watching sleepy eyed people wandering by and sigh
Like drifting sand
2am , twilight zone, crowds of people feeling all alone
It's 2am , spotlights shine, bus's come and go on time
While I sing my song
Hat on the floor to catch the change from the strange
All night long
2am , twilight zone, crowds of people feeling all alone
It's 2am, a friendly smile, makes my night well worthwhile
Playing my tune
Bringing back memories of long gone days, in this twilight haze
Of a silver moon
2am , twilight zone, crowds of people feeling all alone
It's 2am, a crowd sits by to listen to songs that make then cry
For a dollar or two
Needing the comfort of a friendly face ,a gypsy girl on a guitar case
Gets them through
2am , twilight zone, crowds of people feeling all alone
It's gone 2 and it's time to go, I gotta get some sleep before the next nights show
But they ask for more
Playing my guitar I start to sing, knowing the comfort it always brings
Like it has before,
For 2am , twilight zone, crowds of people feeling all alone.....in the twilight zone.
Go well
Ja'mir ;)
I am a cloud within a cloud http://www.justjamir.com
you can hear my songs at :
Nice Jamir... Again.
Can't say I would change anything.
It flows nice and has a great story.
Very good.
Blessings. Olav
Like Olav said... good flow. Great story.
Makes me want to read it with a mellow hip-hop beat behind it. Yeah yeah. Blasphemy I know. But really the lyrics are that tight together. I went back and read some of your other stuff as well. I really dig your writing.
Ok.. off I go.
-Marv
It reads perfectly. Brings to mind an old man with a saxophone on the river bank in New Orleans about 2:00 in the morning. I think e would have played all night for me for the single dollar (the last one I had) I gave him, just to watch me sit there and smile.
This song gives me that peaceful, calm, happy feeling. Great job. I wouldn't change a thing.
He not busy being born is busy dying. - Bob Dylan (It's Alright Ma, I'm Only Bleeding)
High praise indeed coming from you my friend, thanking you muchly. ;D
Go well and study hard
Ja'mir
I am a cloud within a cloud http://www.justjamir.com
you can hear my songs at :
Well deserved praise, my friend ;) Â I'm still eagerly and impatiently awaiting those mp3s! (fingers tapping desk, foot tapping floor, teeth grinding together, monotonous humming sounds eminating from nasal cavity). ;D
I picked up another class today - voice lessons. Maybe I can whittle a song down to under a hundred takes before I am only slightly less than happy with it, from the several hundred it takes me now. 8).
He not busy being born is busy dying. - Bob Dylan (It's Alright Ma, I'm Only Bleeding)
This is very good jamir.
It seems to me that it's relatively simple to capture angst, or jubilation, or any emotion that occurs at the extremes of experience, but it's incredibly tricky to accurately portray the more subtle, in-between feelings. The "shades of grey" to employ a cliche. But this song does that in a very accute and poignant way. It seems like it should be hard, but you make it look simple. (I'm sure that you do so through a lot of hard work)
I've listened to some of your other songs, and you use words and music together the way a photographer uses light, or a painter uses pigments.
I feel like I'm cheating if I can't offer some kind of suggestion in this forum, so here's a suggestion. Record this one and put it up with your others! (?)
Hi Jamir
The usual high standard I always associate with your submissions.
A joy to read.
I'm thinking that the vocal of the shorter lines is drifting over the end of the longer preceding line and lingering as you start the following line- am I right?
Excellent Stuff
Bob :)
You are what you eat, eat well
Hey'a Bob and Scratchmonkey,
Thanks for the vote of confidence, I am working on the melody at the moment so you should be hearing it soon.
Go well
Ja'mir
I am a cloud within a cloud http://www.justjamir.com
you can hear my songs at :
first of all, I know nothing about writing music or lyrics. What I know is literature, so I'm going to respond from a poetry point of view. I trust you'll know whether to take it or toss it.
and this is certainly poetry. I LOVE many of the lines, especially the hat with change from the strange; the gypsy girl on the guitar case; the tears for a dollar or two!
If you don't need the words/syllables for the rhythm, I'd eliminate some of them:
"watching sleepy eyed people wander by and sigh"
maybe even drop the "I" in "I gotta get some sleep" but again, your rhythmic needs will probably dictate that.
I really like the internal rhyme too, and the swaying feel of the lyrics. And I like the shift and the expression "gone 2."
Thanks!
Tiger
