Don't go easy just because I'm new...
A winters pre-dawn
Dark blue fading to white in the sunlight
And thoughts fade back to her,
Smiling in the night
And the skeletons of trees dancing at the break of day
The clouds come into view
like white brush strokes on the sky's blue canvas
awaiting the sound of her oncoming
And thoughts fade back to her,
Smiling in the night
The sun creeps up over the window
The light makes angles and lines on the sill
Rainbows arc across my ceiling
like the sun's unfurled all its colours in my bedroom
and a flash of heaven was seen
And thoughts fade back to her,
Smiling in the night
And, with the sun overhead,
the day begins again...
"Good Morning Beautiful"
I'm new too so don't worry.
I like the imagery you have used but I think you could say more with less words. Sometimes the words we use in speaking can clutter up a good song.
If I was writing the second verse I might write
Skeletons of trees dancing at dawn
Clouds waltz into view
white strokes on the sky.
I wait to hear her coming
And think of her
smiling in the night
Its a similar kind of effect with less words. Admittedly you would want to put more thought into it than I have since I just rushed that.
Keep writing
Beren
I'm one too many mornings and a thousand miles behind
