This was really hard to do, and i know i'm not the only one to think so.
Say what you want about this. I know it has problems.
I just looked up oblivion, so if this doesn't make sense, its because I use words that I don't understand, like "contagion", which I just discovered doesn't rhyme with "oblivion." d'oh! :oops:
Oblivion of Dreams
Verse:
You're wandering through carpet cubes
Like lab rats through plastic tubes
Copy, fax, and leave a voice mail
Sense somehow your life has failed
You focus on the daily grind
You don't need to use your mind
Till a moment of lucidity
Sparks a longing to be free
Chorus:
Your motions are robotic
Patterned and designed
There's no one in your attic
Hopeless and resigned
And the wheels turn…
And your dreams burn…
Verse:
A young man came to see our show
Already his heart had grown old
He longed to escape the machine
But he chose to give up on dreams
He watched us sadly as we played
Rethinking the choices he'd made
‘It's not too late,' I heard him say
But the hold gets stronger every day
Bridge:
And if you can't find the truth
In a manufactured landscape
There still waits the hope of youth
For something other than office space
Chorus:
Selling out to currency's call
The soul's contagion
Separately the dreamers fall
Into oblivion
And the wheels are turning…
And their dreams are burning…
"You know, it eez possible to be too attractive." - Pepe le Pew
"Be excellent to each other, and party on dudes." - Bill and Ted
I don't really think I'm good at this critiquing (sp?) thing but I really want to respond to the people who are nice enough to respond to me. So here goes,
I really likeBut the hold gets stronger every day I can sure relate.
Also like the wheels turning, dreams burning part because I agree with it. Can't live our dreams while we're wasting time doing things we don't want to do. I guess I can relate to that too, to some extent. :)
I found this week hard too. Why do you use words you can't understand? Maybe you shouldn't have told us that , would anybody have known? :wink: G.
First of all, I think it's very interesting that so many of us took the 5 words given and made them into a song about the rat race or city living. Even for myself, even though the song isn't on the same topic, I started with a mental picture of me in front of my computer screen at work, with my mind drifting.
That aside, Rush... I personally love it when lyrics don't rhyme exactly. Oblivion and contagion sound good together, and that's more important. It's like your lines with "landscape" and "office space". They communicate the thought well and sound good, plus it isn't a predictable and a pure rhyme would have been.
My only gripe is with one of the lines in the first stanza:
Copy, fax, and leave a voice mail
It sets the stage well, and it does it very succinctly, but it's not the most imaginative way it could have been done. I think maybe it is because, as a tech guy, I don't associate those things with despair, which is what I take the song to be about, so I need you to make the connection for me. Maybe a line about how you feel about these "conveniences".
Other than that one quibble, I love the rest of it. I think a lot of people can relate. Even I, though I love my job, feel that way sometimes.
Ice cream is a dish best served cold.
Hey Rush,
I like this song a lot, what does it for me isAnd the wheels turn…
And your dreams burn… Although I have to admit that when I substitued
And the wheels turn…
And our dreams burn… for your ones, I liked it even better. Cos in the end those wheels are still gonna turn regardless of what we as individuals do (not unless we have some major cultural shift).Good work. :D
I liked the song, but I thought some of the rhyme scheme sounded kind of forced. Maybe it sounds better if I just heard it. Liked the song and the burning dreams part. Keep it up!
There's a thin fine line between hate and rage.
Now watch the line be crossed and break!
