The pendulums momentum
it slowly starts to wane
Deaths hand on our shoulders
will our prayers all be in vain?
We know not why but are attuned
to the fateful road ahead
Our faithless souls begin their march
to the township of the dead
(chorus)
Pray to God for one more chance
Our faith has gone off track
like the salamander who lost his tail
We're so sure we'll get it back
A promise made and now to keep
We must learn how and why
Eternity is within our reach
We've been given one more try
(chorus)
Pray to God for one more chance
Our faith has gone off track
like the salamander who lost his tail
We're so sure we'll get it back
Tokai 12 String
Don't you ever give up on yourself
looks like you did a pretty good job! it needs more of a song to it though just add some stuff to it. I like the:
like the salamander who lost his tail
We're so sure we'll get it back
Keep writing!
No matter what anyone says, these four men were the Innovators! of modern Rock & Roll!
Morse Code... Music on it's own
Sensational job with another hard assignment.
I wouldn't change a thing.
Hi Tokai
This is excellent stuff like MJ I wouldn't change a thing.
Salamander who lost his tail - that was going to be my take on this assignment but I'll have to change mine now. I knew I should've finished (or at least started) mine before reading everyone elses. 8)
Great stuff
Bob :wink:
You are what you eat, eat well
Hi Tokai,
This is quite good. Sometimes all the angst and depression that gets posted gets a bit tiresome, but this song has a great uplifting component to it. The structure / meter / rhyming all work very well, and I like the way the song flows from despair to hope. Well done.
-- Scratch
-- Scratch 8)
"...if heartaches were commercials, we'd all be on TV" -- John Prine
42
I like the underlying message in this a lot, and the salamander losing it's tail analogy works well for that.
I think I like the first verse the most. The pendulum is a great metaphor for life.
One thing bugged me reading it. First off, for some reason I don't like the lyric "our faith, it has gone slack." I'm trying to put my finger on why I don't like this lyric...I know what you are trying to say here, and I can't think of a better way to say it, but for some reason everytime I read the lyric I stumble over this line. Maybe it is because I would never say to a friend "You know what the problem is? Our faith...it has gone slack". I'd probably say "Our faith has gone slack" Maybe something could be added like "Our faith - failing, going slack" I dunno...maybe bring the pendulum back into it somehow - swinging slack or some such. Hmm...If anything strikes me I'll let you know.
Great effort overall. Salamander in a song is just wrong. :)
Doug
Thanks for the kind words and input.
Doug said
One thing bugged me reading it. First off, for some reason I don't like the lyric "our faith, it has gone slack."
to tell you the truth I didn't care to much for it either but it suited my purpose and that the only reason I went with it.
How do you feel about this line as a replacement?
Our faith has gone off track
Doug,Thanks for making me re-think this line
Tokai 12 String
Don't you ever give up on yourself
