SSG Y11W44 Return to Sender

First, now do you have a trumpet program or is that a live player?
Second, my initial response to hearing the first verse was that I liked the melody but the lyric was nonsensical
Third, I didn't care for the line "Eleanor out grew that yellow dress" while I loved the line "Left no forwarding address". Perhaps Eleanor left without regrets"?
I normally don't suggest lyric adjustments but I am sun drunk from spending all day yesterday in the heat at our annual folk music festival. I'll be back there again today. Forgive my impudence.
Fourth, as a whole, this is another fine song.

Hi John,
First, now do you have a trumpet program or is that a live player?
Not live. It's REX files from Loopmasters.com
Second, my initial response to hearing the first verse was that I liked the melody but the lyric was nonsensical
I was trying a minimalist approach
Third, I didn't care for the line "Eleanor out grew that yellow dress" while I loved the line "Left no forwarding address". Perhaps Eleanor left without regrets"?
I was trying to capture that transition time between teenage years to young womanhood implying she had physically and emotionally out grew the waiting time
.....an alternative line I had was "Eleanor threw out that wedding dress"......but more likely she kept the dress married someone elseI normally don't suggest lyric adjustments but I am sun drunk from spending all day yesterday in the heat at our annual folk music festival. I'll be back there again today. Forgive my impudence.
I appreciate the feedback......I hope you enjoy the activities :D
Fourth, as a whole, this is another fine song.
Thanks for the listen and feedback :wink:

BTW The song is loosely based on two characters from the movie "The Master" This was the scene I had in mind so the singer could be the "girlfriend's mother"

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Master_(2012_film)
"he (the character Freddie Quell), abandoned the love of his life, a young girl named Doris, who wrote to him while he was at war........................He goes home to rekindle his relationship with Doris but learns from her mother that she has married and started a family in Alabama in the seven years since he last saw her. Freddie leaves disappointed, but he seems pleased that Doris has made a happy life for herself."

James

I still don't like the rhyme of dress and address on such a crucial part of the song.

I still don't like the rhyme of dress and address on such a crucial part of the song.
I'll put the muse to work to come up with some alternatives :wink:

I didn't get the yellow dress line. Didn't know if it was her favorite dress, his favorite thing that she wore or the guy had bought it for her. I also didn't get that, although years had passed, she was a teenager when this started.

Postcards from cowboy bars? Maybe there are such things.

The trumpet solo is a nice touch, but I didn't care for this particular solo. Not sure why, but it doesn't seem to fit the song.

A good start.

Hi Renee,

Thanks for the feedback :D

POOF changes made* :mrgreen:
new line: Eleanor said to hell with your success
new trumpet solo :note1:
Postcards from cowboy bars? Maybe there are such things.
Yes, there are :wink:
http://azmemory.azlibrary.gov/cdm/ref/collection/histphotos/id/4134
http://www.pinedaleonline.com/news/2011/07/CowboyBarPostcard.htm
http://www.ebay.com/csc/i.html?_fln=1&LH_Complete=1&_itemId=400215047218&_nkw=Cowboy+Bar+Jackson+Hole+Wyoming+Vintage+Postcard&rt=nc

-James

Better rhyming. I've ben reading about the history of postcards
"The very first postcards ever, of course, were the famous Columbian Exposition postcards from 1893 designed to attract visitors to the Chicago World’s Fair. But not until 1901, did the word 'postcard' show up on the back of a piece of paper. The front side of a postal card was the only side that was allowed to have any ink images or writing. The back was reserved exclusively for the address. Following progressive trends in other countries, the United States finally switched over to new and exciting rules: allowing private printing companies to make postcards, and allowing the back to be divided into two sections. The Golden Era was born. The cheapest and most effective way to stay in touch with your family was to send a postcard because it cost only a single penny. People were really excited. Millions were sold."

Billy the Kid, who died in 1881, wouldn't have sent a post card. Buffalo Bill sold them http://www.oldpostcards.com/buffalo-bill-postcards.html

James, I like the new trumpet solo.

Although you changed the written lyrics on your Soundclick page, you still sang the "yellow dress" line.

you still sang the "yellow dress" line.
Thanks for pointing that out. The new version didn't upload so I resent it :wink:
I like the new trumpet solo.
Well, since the new version didn't upload it means the old trumpet solo must have grown on you :wink: ......but now you'll hear the new solo along with the new line :D

Better rhyming. I've ben reading about the history of postcards
Thanks for the feedback....I can see how they would have been popular....cheaper and feeds the voyeur appetites of those around.....to read someone else's mail..... :lol: