Lots of inspiring material this week, so I did my best to find a little time so that I could contribute to the proceedings. As always, not thrilled with this. It's more of an "afterword" than a song, a very short piece that could come at the end of something more substantial perhaps.
You can find it here at my Soundclick site;
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=306627
Stars
When all the drunks have staggered home
And you're up on stage alone
Pouring out your final song
To a standing crowd of one
For the eighteen millionth time
And when you pack your gear away
And stumble out to meet the day
Fight the traffic home and then
Turn 'round and do it all again
When all the things that make you smile
Haven't been seen for quite a while
When all the songs you write and play
Have so little real to say
When everything you dare to dream
Turns out so petty cheap and mean
When everyone that you hold close
Is just a photograph or ghost
Remember child of mine
Stars aren't the only things that shine
Stars aren't the only things that shine
Stars aren't the only things that shine
©2008 D. Hodge
Okay, now all I have to do to totally catch up is write ten more songs and a lot of critiques... :wink:
Peace
I think its pretty indicative of my thoughts on this piece if I offer the sole suggestion that the guitar sit a little higher in the mix. this is a really great song - reminds me a bit of Bright Eyes, but with a hopeful twist to it (rather than his bottom-falling-out attitude). I can really hear it as a closing track to an album. great job done. 8)
What a sweet little tune. I may be stealing this! This would be a great closer for a gig. I keep wanting to hear a bridge or a chorus, though, although that could just be me going overboard.
Falling in love is like learning to play the guitar; first you learn to follow the rules, then you learn to play with your heart.
I have an idea for this song. you know the kind of song that's sad but is played to a happy tune? this may be that kind of song...whatdy'a think?
Hmmm, I'm not a fan of the execution. I was expecting Piano Man and got Gary Jules' Mad World. I was hoping for something a little faster tempo, little more powerful vocals. I love the lyrics, but I am partial to pearlthekat's idea of the execution.
Have so little real to say
I think this would be better as "Have nothing real to say". Makes a little more sense on first listen and is easier, in my opinion, to sing.
Hi David,
I like it, and I find it interesting about the chorus/bridge comments. What struck me about this song like the others was that it didn't have one, but I thought that was great, for it made those last 3 lines more poignant
cheers
Paul
I was sort of surprised by the music you chose to put to this, too. I was thinking 12-string guitar strumming rapidly away, like an up-tempo folk/country song - but I've got the feeling this may be a "grower" rather than an instant hit!
:D :D :D
Vic
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
Well...
I guess I was trying to make the music fit the mood set by the first verse - something that sounded tired and that had been done "eighteen million times" and something that needed the spark that the last lines would bring it, as Paul noted. I guess I might think about rethinking this!
And that might be just as well since when I listen to it I keep hearing Dire Strait's Why Worry? But it's also been growing with me, as Vic says, having had to go through all the takes in recording it. Hard to say what to do, but fortunately, it's another "work in progresss" and can be treated as such...
Thanks for listening and for all the suggestions.
Peace
Hey, This is wonderful David!
Reading through the lyrics, I got a real -'LODI'/ CCR- feel and wasn't sure at all what to expect when I listened to it.
I was pleased right from the start :D
It really had me thinking of Simon & Garfunkel's Bridge Over Troubled Waters.
Perhaps a really strong and hopeful chorus like that song has to contrast the bleakness of the overall song...?
Maybe even the - Stars aren't the only things that shine - line could be used, with a rewrite of the 2 repeats of it
to a build up of hope...?
I dunno.
I really like how it's going though.
ThankX,
Ken
"The man who has begun to live more seriously within
begins to live more simply without"
-Ernest Hemingway
"A genuine individual is an outright nuisance in a factory"
-Orson Welles
Well David,
I've listened to this about 15 times now....
I'm really hooked!
Maybe because it would really take to my 'idea' of how I want my own music to go...
That whole - Lennon's A Day in the Life sorta set-up: Acoustic guitar/piano/bass/maracas/RINGO!
I can really hear this with some sparse piano in place of the guitar flourishes (sometimes that's exactly what it sounds like).
I'd love to hear Kathy's version (with piano).
Anyway - The more I listen to it, the more I agree with Paul... The lack of chorus/bridge does bring something to the last
three lines.
Now I hear an arrangement along the lines of Peter Green's - Man of the World.
(He never liked using chorus' either)
Maybe with a 'band' kicking in after the last 3 lines for a simple verse, and then the last 3 lines again without the band....?
I dunno - I REALLY like it though!
Ken
"The man who has begun to live more seriously within
begins to live more simply without"
-Ernest Hemingway
"A genuine individual is an outright nuisance in a factory"
-Orson Welles
David,
This song reached right through my chest and gave my heart a squeeze - wow! I tend to like songs without a bridge or chorus because the listener expects it and you can keep them in a sense of anticipation - as you've done here. Its an elegant number which I could see being played just as well plugged in with more drive and the vocals crying out loud during the coda.
A few thoughts: Given the whole "last number for the night, etc" groove you have going, I think it would sound great to start with a bit more accompaniement, then peel off the layers until its just you and your guitar at the end. Of course, the opposite may work as well (as has been suggested by others).
:) I like it!
All the best,
Chris
Hi David
Wow mate I have a long way to go with my music after listening to this ..
This is terrific ,
Well done man
Cheers
Trev.. :wink:
Here is to you as good as you are
And here is to me as bad as I am
As good as you are and as bad as I am
I'm as good as you are as bad as I am
Well...
I guess I was trying to make the music fit the mood set by the first verse - something that sounded tired and that had been done "eighteen million times" and something that needed the spark that the last lines would bring it, as Paul noted. I guess I might think about rethinking this!
or do both. seriously. like, start it really tired, maybe playing a little rubato, or intentionally playing over the bars, with a raggedy feel to it, but growing tighter and stronger as it progressess, so the end becomes kinda chant-like (maybe a march or procession?). could be quite a performance-piece. :wink:
actually, if you don't, then I might. once the hecticness has settled a little and if that's alright, that is. I'd quite like to take a shot at this.
