Hi
This started life as Wk 6 (Contridition) and I tried to resurrect it Wk 17 (Weather} and somehow
never got completed. Seemed like a good something for this assignment.
Remember To Forget
Been a long time since you left here
Yet it seems like yesterday
And sometimes if I drink enough
Those old feelings go away
I stare at that empty bottle
With no feelings of regret
If I can remember to forget
The sun was shining brightly
Yet the wind was blowing cold
The new love you had brought to me
Had somehow grown old
As you walked away I shouted
You can surely bet
Someday I'll remember to forget
I might remember in the dead of night
Or sometime in the Fall
I might remember in December
When old Jack Frost comes to call
In the summer on the front porch
As I watch the red sun set
Maybe I'll remember to forget
hey John,
somehow
never got completed sounds familiar :D
the last verse is beautiful! i think that one is perfect as it is. also, the idea of remembering to forget- great.
if you don't mind, some thoughts about the other verses. i love your ideas and the sentiment, so, if asked for critique, there are really just a few words that seem a little out of place to me:
Yet it seems like yesterday Yet the wind was blowing cold
the "yet" seems too much (in terms of emphasizing the contradiction) to me.. maybe it could be replaced/left out?
Those old feelings go away
With no feelings of regret
- i would tend to replace one of the feelings.. maybe "those old memories, they pale"..?
The new love you had brought to me
Had somehow grown old
- seems a little long-winded? maybe it would read better without "had" and "to"? for lack of inspiration for re-writing it totally :wink:
As you walked away I shouted
You can surely bet
- somehow i stumble over "shouted".. hm... why is that?... a different idea: "as you walked away, i came here"
and then maybe the following line: "but you can place your bets"
just my two cents, feel free to ignore me :wink:
cheers,
straycat.
"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin
John ,
I like this mate , and this really captured my eye
I might remember in the dead of night
Or sometime in the Fall
I might remember in December
When old Jack Frost comes to call
Great stuff mate
Cheers
Trev.. :wink:
Here is to you as good as you are
And here is to me as bad as I am
As good as you are and as bad as I am
I'm as good as you are as bad as I am
Thanks for the comments,
Started working or the music for this and ended up doing a rewrite/edit.
I used most of Straycat's suggestions and added a line to each verse to fit the musical Idea.
Remember to Forget
Been a long time since you left me
Still it seems like yesterday
And if I drink for long enough
Those old feelings go away
Stare at that empty bottle
No dreams and no regret
When my mind is cold and numb
I'll remember to forget
The sun was shining brightly
And the wind was blowing cold
The new love that you'd given me
Had somehow grown old
As you walked away I shouted
You can surely bet
If it takes a million years
I'll remember to forget
It may be in the dead of night
Or sometime in the Fall
I could remember in December
When old Jack Frost comes to call
Or in the summer on the front porch
Watching the red sun set
I'll close my eyes to think of you
And remember to forget
I'll close my eyes to think of you
And remember to forget
John
