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SSG10-Week26 Counting Raindrops

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(@jamestoffee)
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SSG10-Week26 Counting Raindrops

Version 2 Better prosody
http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=11604236

Version 1
http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=11597752

===========Revised Version===========

Rain, rain, rain, rain
Pointing the finger; taking the blame
Rain, rain, rain, rain
You are long gone but I still feel the pain
Here on the back porch counting rain drops to keep me sane
Don't know how I'll ever love again
When my only companion is the…

Rain, rain, rain, rain
Here to remind me there's no more champagne
Rain, rain, rain, rain
I won't drive a wet road or use fast lanes
I move to the foyer count more rain drops on the window pane
Don't know how I'll ever love again
When my only companion is the…

Rain, rain, rain, rain
Counting every drop is just a numbers game
Rain, rain, rain, rain
At least with counting I can start over again

===========Original Version===========
Rain, rain, rain, rain
Here to remind me there's no more champagne
Rain, rain, rain, rain
You are long gone but I still feel the pain
Here on the back porch counting rain drops to keep me sane
Don't know how I'll ever love again
When the rain is my only friend

Rain, rain, rain, rain
Pointing the finger; taking the blame
Rain, rain, rain, rain
I won't drive a wet road or use the fast lane
I move to the foyer count more rain drops on the window pane
Don't know how I'll ever love again
When the rain is my only friend

Rain, rain, rain, rain
Counting every drop is just a numbers game
Rain, rain, rain, rain
At least with counting I can start over again


   
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 pbee
(@pbee)
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Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 2096
 

Hi James

interesting little song, I havent heard it yet so I look forward to that later tonight. The thing that stikes me is this, the message I get is that his love died in a car accident on a wet road because he/she was driving too fast. Given that assumption I wonder if the rain would ever be seen as a "friend" and not in fact the enemy.
When the rain is my only friend

maybe just mention the rain as his only companion or something like that.

cheers
Paul


Check out my Reverbnation page here


   
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(@jamestoffee)
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Joined: 15 years ago
Posts: 2855
Topic starter  

Hi Paul,

Thanks for the suggestions.

I had separated out the idea of drinking and the wet road and driving fast, so maybe it would be better to switch some lines like this.....also trying the word "companion":

Rain, rain, rain, rain
Pointing the finger; taking the blame
Rain, rain, rain, rain
You are long gone but I still feel the pain
Here on the back porch counting rain drops to keep me sane
Don't know how I'll ever love again
When my only companion is the rain

Rain, rain, rain, rain
Here to remind me there's no more champagne
Rain, rain, rain, rain
I won't drive a wet road or use FAST LANES
I move to the foyer count more rain drops on the window pane
Don't know how I'll ever love again
When my only companion is the rain

Rain, rain, rain, rain
Counting every drop is just a numbers game
Rain, rain, rain, rain
At least with counting I can start over again


   
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 pbee
(@pbee)
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Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 2096
 

Looks good James :D


Check out my Reverbnation page here


   
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(@jamestoffee)
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Topic starter  

Thanks, Paul. I'll try a rerecording tonight.


   
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(@jamestoffee)
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POOF Changes made :mrgreen:


   
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(@john-sargent)
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Joined: 14 years ago
Posts: 946
 

POOF Changes made :mrgreen:

That reminds me of my step-daughter. She didn't approve of me and didn't like the idea that I was marrying her mother, moving in and changing her life.
A few days after we married, my 12 yr old step-daughter came out of her room with a surly look on her face. She said "Mommy, make me an egg". I quickly sprung up and said "Shazam, you're an egg". She laughed and started on the road to accepting me.
That was 20 years ago and we get along fine now.


   
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(@jamestoffee)
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"Shazam, you're an egg".
:lol: :lol: :lol: Did she say, "Thanks for making me an egg....but don't call me Shazam! :x "


   
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 pbee
(@pbee)
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New version sounds good too :D

Paul


Check out my Reverbnation page here


   
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(@jamestoffee)
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Hi Paul,

Thanks for the second listen and confirmation of changes. :D

James


   
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(@hobson)
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Posts: 794
 

James, your lyrics are a lot more subtle than this old song:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bh4se9YMV3A

Renee


   
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(@jamestoffee)
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Topic starter  

Hi Renee,

Thanks for sharing the link. :D That was good to hear. Clever idea and lyrics. It's interesting how "Last Kiss" sticks with the "pop sound" even though the pop sound doesn't really fit the message, so listening to this song and a comment I received about my first version from another writer and a little time on my hands made me record a second version to get better prosody with the song.

James


   
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(@hobson)
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Joined: 15 years ago
Posts: 794
 

James, funny, I didn't think that "Last Kiss" would be helpful. It just came to mind as a song with the same theme.

I like your new version. I also learned a new word.

Renee


   
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 pbee
(@pbee)
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Joined: 19 years ago
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I also learned a new word.

yeah me too, nice word "prosody" :D


Check out my Reverbnation page here


   
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(@jamestoffee)
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Topic starter  

Hi Renee and Paul,
funny, I didn't think that "Last Kiss" would be helpful.
I appreciate hearing parallel theme based songs. I think there is a lot we can learn from others songs: what works, what doesn't, what was influential at the time, what is timeless.

Prosody is a word that comes up a lot along the songwriter's journey...glad to help add it to your bag of tricks :wink: It's a good check point to keep in mind to make sure a song "works".

Thanks for taking the time to listen to the newer version. :D

James


   
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