SSG12 - Week8 - Castles in the sky - mp3 - Remastered

Hi Paul

Minimalist is usually a good thing when it comes to songwriting, and I think it works here very well.

Like the choruses and the first two lines of the second verse a lot. You might tweak the third line of the second verse to tie it back in with the "dream" idea of the first verse:

But every once in a while you know you can get it right
even though it’s just in your mind
And who’s to say what’s real and what's a dream
who are they, who are you and who am I

Hoping we get to hear this one at some point! And, as always, looking forward to more. Happy New Year!

Peace

Thanks David,

yes I like your suggestion thanks

Paul

Hi Paul,
I like the internal couplets added to the end rhymes. Hearing kind of a folkie country John Denver style song in my head but thats just me. I am wondering if you thought about slipping a bit of imagery in the lyric. For example in version one
I look at you and I see right through
the clouds to a life that could have been

perhaps "the clouds" could be "gray clouds" "pale clouds" "blue clouds" or some other descriptor to help develop the image and feeling. Maybe one or two other places in the lyric as well? Just a thought, use it if it helps :D
Andy

Always the question when songwriting. Keep it generalized/minimalist or add some specific description. In this case, I think adding some modifiers would help. Instead of "dream," use something like "fondest dream" or "long-time dream" or "fervent dream."

In the second line of the first verse, "my fairy tale" is kind of hanging out there. Does it refer to "my Queen." Maybe reword this line to:

This is my fairy tale, my dream.

Thanks Andy and Renee.
I think version 3 is nearly there.

cheers
Paul

mp3 posted here

http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=12623214

I've left space for a lead, I'm thinking a flute at this stage

Paul

Flute would certainly be nice, as would a pan flute. Marimba, maybe? It's got a bit of a calypso feel so even steel drums might be nice.

Very wonderful song, Paul. I'm going to be singing this all week, I suspect.

Peace

Thanks David,
I'm going to be singing this all week, I suspect

yeah me too its quite catchy :D

I've revised it one more time and tightened it up a bit, the second verse always worried me.

cheers

Paul

Very catchy is right. When I read it, it seemed to be overly simplistic but it came out nicely as a song.
I could see this going somewhere in pop life.

Thanks John,

Ive uploaded the final version here

http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=12623214

this one has a flute in the lead break

cheers

Paul

Really like the mp3, Paul, and the flute works beautifully! Two TINY little things....minimalism's cool, up to a point, but....and this is just my opinion, and a suggestion which you can feel totally free to ignore....I'd love to hear the guitar track double-tracked with a tiny bit of delay, give it just a touch more depth and a bit of spaciness - might work well. As for the guitar, I think you might try pitching the chords a semitone or two higher....although the voice is pretty good, as always, you seemed to waver just a tad on the lowest notes. Use the same chords, try a capo on either one or two frets up. Again, feel free to totally ignore - hell, it's your song, and it's a good one!

Sorry mate, but you're only getting 9/10 for this one - jeez, I'm getting nasty in my old age!

:D :D :D

Vic

Had this song in my head all New Year's Eve. Now I'm going to have it in my head the rest of the week as well.

Nice work with the flute. And though I can hear Vic's ideas (and they'd certainly be worth exploring), this version works just fine, too.

Peace

Thanks for comments Vic.
The 2 points you raise are very valid. As far as the guitar track is concerned you may not believe it but I spent well over a hour trying to get the effect you mention, I agree a bit of spacial placement would be good. I tried the double-track and delay technique but it just didnt work. I tried using mono tracks using the same technique, again no cigar. I eventually opted for a stereo track using a delay plugin and inverted channel plus a 5.1 placement plugin still not the best. What I really want is the guitar to appear to be right at the sides of the headphones (in the cans themselves), I'll keep working on it. As for the vocal yeah G is such a hard key for me I've either got to go high or low. My guitar is normally tuned 2 steps down but this time I grabbed an old (but a goody) classical guitar that's in standard tuning and started writing. I think in the live versions of this I'll find a more comfortable key :oops:

David
Now I'm going to have it in my head the rest of the week as well
Cool, that means job done :D

cheers

Paul

Hey Mr Brady ,
Long time huh ..
1 st of all I must say what a pure delight it was listening to this I loved the flute , I will be around more now - I am looking forward to reading and listening your work more and more now -
I just love this song - well written beautifully preformed , well done Mr Brady
Bravo !

Trev