This is my first song :shock: , i'm new to this site :D
"Try"
Sneak'n around
every corner of my alley
you find every way
to pounce on my reality
but it was just a dream
thought i was over you
and all that you put me through
Now you want me back again
you've changed your way
and shed your skin
and dug your claws back in
Chorus
One more try
tell me this isn't just
another lie
One more try
'cause this time it's do or die
One more time
i only want to be with you, it's true
One more try
it's too late to denie it
i only want to be with you
This time i want so much more
than your muddy paw prints
walking out my front door
With scratch marks down my heart
and scars that just wont heal
don't know what to think
don't know what to feel
A good try.
Welcome to GN dexter and i like your name more ! :D
Rahul
Great! And it fits the week's assignment well.
What type of music are you thinking, or do you already have it set to something?
Margaret
When my mind is free, you know a melody can move me
And when I'm feelin' blue, the guitar's comin' through to soothe me ~
Thanks,
i joined this forum yesterday and wrote this song last night. i was thinking of a moderate pop/rock tempo. i'm new at this
thanks for the support :)
Hi dexter,
Welcome to the forum. I think this is pretty good for a first up, well done. What I think would improve this song would be a little bit more structure. E.g. verse1 has 6 lines verse2 has 4, verse3 has 3. You might find those differences a bit awkward when you put this to music. I like the chorus and I like how you've used this line One more time as opposed to repeating the “One more try†.
Look forward to more of your songs
pbee
Dexter,
Welcome and nice job!
John
Hi Dexter
And welcome both to Guitar Noise and to the SSG.
This is a good start. I'll echo PBee's thoughts on structure and also throw in that your verse:
Now you want me back again
you've changed your way
and shed your skin
and dug your claws back in
is a little confusing on image. I don't know many snakes (and I'm assuming that's where the "shed your skin" comes from) that have claws. This is a truly minor thing, but sometimes it's the little things that stick in one's mind.
Welcome again and I'm looking forward to reading a lot more from you!
Peace
Hi dhodge
i see what you mean. my idea was to use the word shed, as in a cat shedding it's fur/ shedding someone from your life. the shed your skin part does need work and i'll work on structure too.
thanks,
Liz :)
