SSG2-week 14  Midnight Blue - the rewrite

Hey Marv,
I sent you a pv.ms. re the melody, I haven't come up with anything startling yet, so I will be guided by you here Marv,  consider it "our" song since you will be singing it for me, still just can't get the idea of singing to a sexy chick out of my mind   ::) which is not condusive to working out the melody !!
Go well
Ja'mir ;)

I have a melody worked out for just about all of it and music laid out in my head. As soon as I get something recorded I'll send it your way.

-Marv

For what its worth, I thought this was sung by a woman to a man.  At least that's the way I 'heard' it, so I'd really like to hear you sing it, Jamir.  Of course I like to hear you sing everything.  

Nothing personal Marv, I'm sure you have a great voice, but my ears are already prisoners to Jamir's voice. 8)

Hey'a Max, you are toooooooooooo kind.

Lets see what melody Marv comes up with, maybe I can sing it from a female point of view to a man,
You really must listen to Marv's song "Which 5 o'clock"
and nothing to do with this song but
Adam has put your songs up, so we'll see the comments and then decide which one you want to sell to earn your millions. Did you get the ones I sent you or is your mail box full?
go well
Ja'mir ;)

Heck of a time for my hard drive to bite the dust.  I think your little people are playing tricks on me! I'll have to find someone to download them and burn them to disk for me. The anticipation is driving me crazy.  "I need a fix cos I'm going down........."

I got Emerald and Pardon.  I knew you would do a great job changing Pardon to the female perspective! I think I prefer the version of Emerald Eyes you recorded last year a little better, a bit slower tempo, more longing in it, but this version is great too.

Another fine job by Jamir! (Applause, applause!!!! )  ;D ;D

Thanks Max, glad you enjoyed "Pardon". I will have to redo "Emerald" slower for you, i thought you prefered the faster tempo last time we discussed it, but I must have been wrong, it was a long time ago.
Hope I get some feedback on them from others, plus my new ones..
???
Nothing as yet.....
Go well and thanks again
Ja'mir ;)

Here is theMidnight blue re write for it becoming a duet !!

Marv
Midnight, blue satin, shimmers, in the night
Silhouettes born of the soft candle light    
I watch, I wait, your breath, the rise and fall
Mirrored in the shadows on the wall

Marv
Midnight, blue satin, molded, to your thighs
Rippling, waves, ebb and flow to your cries
A fluid, moving river, no turning of the tide
Bet yet, still some mystery, a deeper part you hide

Marv
Midnight, blue satin, etched in my brain
Physical ecstasy, emotional pain

Ja'mir
Midnight blue satin, hide my endless love for you
Shadowed, eyes closed, emotions shut from view
Scared feelings float, above these rushing waves
Not wanting you to see the depth of love I crave

Ja'mir
Midnight blue satin, tears burn in my eyes
Would you turn on the tide, knowing what I hide
My hands explore your body, I feel the rising heat,
I wrap myself around you, lost in lust, we meet

Ja'mir
Midnight, blue satin, etched in my brain
Physical ecstasy, emotional pain

Marv
Midnight, blue satin, tossed, on the floor
Bodies, entwined, like waves caressing the shore
I, hear your cry, I come to your call
Mirrored in the shadow of the wall

Ja'mir
Midnight, blue satin, etched in my brain
Physical ecstasy, emotional pain

Well what' y'aaaaalllllll think

Go well
Ja'mir ;)

Oh this is very good.  I anticipate scores of folks are going to beg you to say what she's hiding, but don't do it.  Eventually, people will convince themselves that they and they alone know what it is, and whole conversations will be built around this song, that will last into the wee hours of the morning, as people discuss it, and enumerate all the "evidence" they've been able to gleen from obscure interpretations of your lines that support their positions for what this mystery most surely must be.  It will be quite fun for you to watch.

Oh yeah... the song.  This works very well as a back-and-forth dialogue.  Having listened to both of you, I'm really looking forward to hearing it.

Scratch

Hey Jamir

The extra verses are good. The song was running a little short hehe. The story has a lot more to it now.

On the critique end. The meter is a bit off In verse 3

What about:

Midnight, blue satin, Hides my love for you
Shadowed, eyes closed, emotions shut from view
Scared feelings float, above these rushing waves
Holding back the depth of love I crave

I don't like the "holding back" all that much. But now the meters match on verses 1-3 and 2-4

There's my input.
-Marv

I withdraw my previous critique and revision hehe. It works now that I actually sat down and sang it.

-Marv

Looking forward to the demo, will let you know when I have recieved it

go well
Ja'mir