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SSG2 - week 15 - storyboard

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(@Anonymous)
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I've been puttering around with a song for the last week and it's not shaping up well.  So perhaps this will be a good way to better develope the ideas.  The problem is, it's incredibly <formulaic?>  (Anyone know of an adjective that means "adhering to an established formula?)  Perhaps to the point of being cliche.  So initially, I'm put off by it.  However, formulas exist as such because they're tried and proven over time, so I ought not to be put off by it.  Anyway, enough rambling, here's my go at the assignment.

It's a song to my Father, that expresses how my feelings toward him have changed over the course of my life,  but regardless of how I felt at any given age, there was a constant thread of admiration.  So here's how it's shaping up so far:

verse 1
at present - showing the effects of age.  gradual weakening, daily pain etc ...

verse 2
as a child - something akin to hero-worship.

verse 3
as a teen - just shy of disgust  - and though I admired him, kept it hidden.

bridge
I have my own kids now, and hope that I can be a fraction of the man to them that he was to me

verse 4
recognition that he is after all, human, and made his share of mistakes, but through it all he did the best he could, was honest, and had the strength to stand by his convictions.
=============================

Now, ... if you're not too put off by the sappiness, what do you guys think?

scratchmonkey


   
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(@Anonymous)
New Member
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Ah the joys of the internet.

FORMULAIC
Pronunciation:    `formyu'leyik

WordNet Dictionary
 
 Definition:   [adj]  characterized by or in accordance with some formula  
 
 Synonyms:   conventional

So hopefully that answers that question. I like this song. Its not formulaic at all (and I'll be using that word a lot for the rest of the day now). This is a good solid foundation for a song. There are reasons why good stories are told over and over again. They need to reach new audiences. And they need to find good story tellers to help them evolve.

-Marv


   
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(@davidhodge)
Member
Joined: 16 years ago
Posts: 4472
 

I'd like to join Marv 'O in saying that this needn't be formulaic at all. If you think about it, how many songs are about relationships or suicide? It's how you present it that makes it work. And you can definitely present this in a unique way.

Things to think about when writing the rest - the setting. Are you talking directly to your father? Or are you talking to another specific person or to a general audience? Going with a specific person will help make it more immediate. For a twist, you could be talking with one of your kids about your dad, a (WARNING: really big cliche coming!) cycle of life sort of thing.

Coming up with the "where? when" and why? of this could make your song incredibly powerful. Take the time to think about it! Which, I guess, is what this whole exercise is all about!   ;)

Keep it coming!

Peace


   
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(@denim_tonque)
Eminent Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 17
 

Ya good topic.  Sappy can be good if done well.  Drawing emotion out.
I'm hoping you conjure up images & emotions.  This is the kind of song that can choke me up, IF you can make me identify with it.
Looking forward to it........

Denim


   
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