SSG2-week 43-Portia-with MP3

Hey Portia,

Wonderful. Absolutely wonderful. I SO wanted to write about a constellation, and Orion is one of my favorites! But I thought "no... stick to the topic". (you renegade you) Anyways, the meter on this one is very catchy. I really enjoyed it. Nice job.

you stay dry and safe now, eh?

-- Scratch 8)

Hey Portia

Nice song I particularly like these lines

a glittering conquest
awaits as I rise
and I glimpse my future
across the skies
it's on the horizon
as I grasp it's size
when it disappears
before my eyes

and

As I start to fall
my fate rises before me
an imposing figure
I wish I didn't see

Two constellations chasing each other around the world never to be seen together in the same sky,
the only thing I think needs fixed is,and I know I said it's a line I like but...
Instead of my fate rises before me It should read my fate rises behind me. because as Orion set / Scorpio rises and see his nemesis leave the sky so does he not chase Orion now making him the hunter???
A never ending circle.

I truly like this, even if it doesn't follow the rules

hey portia:)

great image-painting piece you have here :D
I love this:
and I'm left chasing after
and running from pain
well now I think you might have meant sorcpio with 'chasing after' but the way I understand it makes me like the lines even more, like chasing after the pain but also running from it- it struck me as wonderful immediately.

I'm a friend of pharaphrasing and using metaphors and so one and so I love all the little marvels you have there...yet the lines I mentioned stood out for me in their simplicity:)

I really like what you did.
bluenightangel

Yes, this song is very descriptive and it does paint a picture in my mind. Theres not much to say that you have to change on this song because it is pretty well written but mabye some lines could be shortened of elongated? not really a big issue here though.

bstguitarist
Keep up the good work

Hi Portia

Very nice piece - drew me in and kept me until the end. It reads very well and to be honest there's nothing I'd change here.

Didn't quite follow the assignment but I'm a forgiving soul as it made you write this song. :wink:

Great stuff

Bob :)

Thanks for all of the comments.

Tokia 12 string: I'll have to think about changing before to behind - the only thing is it's not often you hear of someone's fate being behind them, since it's in the future - but I see where you're coming from too. I'll do some more thinking about it.

***************************************************************************************

I now have a VERY, VERY rough mp3 of this on my dmusic site. Don't expect much in the way of arrangement or performance. It's just midi chords (and I do mean just chords, no rhythm or anything) and rough vocals (I have a cold - which I'm sure you'll be able to tell). The reason I'm posting this embarasingly rough mp3 is because I've been through several tunes for this song and this is the first one that I even half way like and I don't know if it's actually any good or if the others were just so bad this one sounds good to me. I need to know if you guys think I should continue working with this tune or if I should try, try again. Please be honest - if it stinks, tell me it stinks.

http://portia.dmusic.com - it's all of the way at the bottom - I called it orion for now.

On a side note, if you do like the tune and think you'd like to try your hand at arranging, let me know.

:) Portia

umm... Portia,... your state is being evacuated. Get to high ground so you can sing another day, eh?

-- Scratch 8)

:D I'm leaving tomorrow. I still have to go to work tomorrow :( It'll be ok, though. I'm far enough inland that the damage shouldn't be too bad - at least I hope :?

I listened to the MP3 nice song a little heavy on the bass though will be looking for the cleaned up version.

Hey Portia,

This is great! I'd keep working with this tune if I were you. It's perfect for this song. Very minor, and the bass (in my opinion) lends an ominous feel to the song, which in this case, is just fine. It fits the song. And wow!... what a voice! If this is you with a cold, I can't wait to hear what you normally sound like. I'm on my way back there now to get some of your other songs to listen to.

-- Scratch 8)

p.s. inland in Fla. isn't very inland. to quote monty python from the holy grail -- "run away!, run away!" :D

Hi'a Portia

Listening to your song now.... your voice always blows me away..... I think you are the next Sara Brightman!!!!! time she retired anyway :lol:
The melody is fantastic and goes so well with the song content but I have to agree with the bass sound that makes the backing a tad monotinous.

If you have the chords I can try doing you a guitar backing track, if you'd like, I do owe you one !!!!!

Go well
Ja'mir

Hi Guys.

Thanks for listening. I know the bass makes it monotonous - I just programed it in so I would have something to keep me in time while I recorded vocals - kinda like a metronome. Otherwise, recording over whole note chords is kinda tough.

Jamir: If you have time, that would be great. I'm about to unplug my computer and leave town for the weekend, but when I get back, I'll email you the chords.

:) Portia

...I'm about to unplug my computer and leave town for the weekend...
Whew!., finally. *sigh of releif*

--scratch 8)

I love the lyrics, sound even better when set to music.....If this is what you call "rough" then I can't wait to hear the polished version.....

Great stuff!

Vic.

PS you should upload your version of Anne's "Wet Matches" to your site...I'm sure It'd go down a storm.....!!!

:) :) :)