A Flag on a Moon
I move the waters down below,
a shimmering reflection, a silver bow
New, bent in heaven to give light,
I'm earth's natural satellite
Reborn every twenty eight days,
I glow through out every phase
Waxing ,waning or mystically whole,
emotions and tides are under my control
Look after the light that gives you life, look into the night,
look after earths plight by the beauty of the pale moon light
I give you fertile times to breed,
but you take and spoil in your greed
Madmen and dogs howl at my face,
I just don't understand this human race
Now flags and footprints cover my face,
Diana my goddess hides in disgrace
I'm littered and cratered with parts of ships
that fly in space and leave scars and chips
Look after the light that gives you life, look into the night,
look after earths plight by the beauty of the pale moon light
I watch destruction brought by your hand,
corruption and death though out your land
Nights candles burn low and will be wiped out soon,
earth just a memory, a flag on a moon
With thanks to Shakespear for a couple of images here !!!
Go well
Ja'mir
Updated after comments
P.S. The lines are actually written like this, but to fit it all on one A4 page for printing it was easier to double them up :lol: amazing how Portia and Scratch picked up the loooonnnnng lines .
I am a cloud within a cloud http://www.justjamir.com
you can hear my songs at :
Well... The full moon this week was certainly an inspiration eh? First, Full moon blues, now Flag on a moon. Both excellent works, by the way.
Jamir,
I really like this song. Anthropomorphism done very well. Nice lonnnnngggg lines.
Favorite lines:
"Madmen and dogs howl at my face"
"...flags and footprints cover my face" (although, it's only one flag, c'mon) :P
and best of all:
"earth just a memory, a flag on a moon "
conjures a very lonely, ominous, evocative feeling.
Very well done.
-- Scratch 8)
-- Scratch 8)
"...if heartaches were commercials, we'd all be on TV" -- John Prine
42
Jamir,
Great Work ! The image of the flag on the moon struck a strong chord with me. I like the point of view coming from the moon. Oh and Scratch Thanks for the plug.
Celt
Hi Jamir.
This is a beautiful song. A really interesting point of view and the imagery is just great.
When I read it, it sounded to me like each long line would really be more like two lines when it's sung. But that's just a nitpick on how you chose to write it down. Once it gets recorded, the point becomes moot.
Great Work!
:) Portia
Hey Ja'mir
Another wonderful piece.
Scratch said
Favorite lines:
"Madmen and dogs howl at my face"
"...flags and footprints cover my face" (although, it's only one flag, c'mon)
and best of all:
"earth just a memory, a flag on a moon "
I have to agree.
Tokai 12 String
Don't you ever give up on yourself
hey jamir,
i like this one. nice take on the assignment.
of course scratch got the best words in first about your song. i has to reread the first few lines a number of times to realise that the mom was the narrator of the song. but then it all made sense and the rest of the song flowed just fine. wonderful job sticking with that point of view. nothing jumps out at me that should be changed or sounds out of place.
keep up the good work.
-CheapThrill
hey ja'mir
interesting idea, the moons point of view:)
I love this one:
Nights candles burn low and will be wiped out soon,
earth just a memory, a flag on a moon
:D
bluenightangel
"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin
Hi Jamir
This is another well constructed song making a very good point. Beautifully written.
Great stuff :)
Bob
You are what you eat, eat well
I really like your style this is another great song, you really have a way with words.
Dreamer#9
