This song is about the that internal monologue that's always talking to you in your head, telling you what to do. I'm not 100% happy with this song, but I think it's an interesting concept. Anyway comments are always welcome.
If you don't want to comment, Id appreciate it if you just rated it 1 to 5
Broken Promises
Chorus
Broken promises, broken dreams
Belie the monologue, or so it seems
Just go for it, you say I can
Don't look back, just be a man
Another promise, another dream
Verse 1
Stillborn and yet still born
Great thoughts to spur the fight
The breath of life a chance to live
You promised to see me right
Verse 2
But here and now is what really counts
And I'm no superstar
Your push just set me up to fail
Just what was all that for
Chorus
Broken promises, broken dreams
Belie the monologue, or so it seems
Just go for it, you say I can
Don't look back, just be a man
Another promise, another dream
Verse 3
You parasite that lives within
Seductive thoughts of mine
You talk it up but seldom hear
You make me feel sublime
Outro
Now there's a thought, a chance to shine
And understand myself
Ill go for it, just watch this scene
Another promise?
Another dream?
Broken Promises
Chorus
Broken promises, broken dreams
Belie the monologue, or so it seems
Just go for it, you say I can
Don’t look back, just be a man
Another promise, another dream
I like that.
Verse 1
Still born and yet still born
Great thoughts to spur the fight
The breath of life a chance to live
You promised to see me right
I'm assuming you mean stillborn. If not, I don't get it. If so, then, great line. I'm not sure about the last part, though. You should have something to counter the spurring the fight line, the way you counter still born.
Verse 2
But here and now is what really counts
I’m not a superstar
Your push just set me up to fail
Just what was all that for
This is okay. Maybe "I'm no superstar" would make it a little stronger.
And I'm not crazy about the last line for some reason. Maybe something like "And I'm back where I started," or something about not being up to par, maybe.
Chorus
Broken promises, broken dreams
Belie the monologue, or so it seems
Just go for it, you say I can
Don’t look back, just be a man
Another promise, another dream
Think the chorus can be tweaked a little too to show how the promises are broken, not so much so you give it away, but at least allude somehow. Maybe even something as simple as, "Just another broken promise," or something--especially since that's your title.
Verse 3
You parasite that lives within
Seductive thoughts of mine
You talk it up but seldom hear
You make me feel sublime
Also, not a criticism, just trying to get it, is your subconscious telling you to go for it a bad thing? Or is the fact that you fall short the bad thing? Sorry, maybe it's just me. I get what you're saying about the battle between trying and failing. I'm just not totally clear on the point you're ultimately trying to make. Again, maybe it's just me. Oh and I'm not trying to be an a** and throw your words back at you, I just truly value your opinion, and most of the time when I've followed your advice, and made a change, I've been pleased with the results, so I'll say it, could you maybe drive your point home here? Like, no more broken promises or broken dreams, or something like that? If you make any changes, I wanna see. Thanks.
Joe
Outro
Now there’s a thought, a chance to shine
And understand myself
Ill go for it, just watch this scene
Another promise?
Another dream?
Thanks Joe,
I'm assuming you mean stillborn yes, a typo well spotted.
Verse 1
Stillborn and yet still born
Great thoughts to spur the fight
The breath of life a chance to live
You promised to see me right
This is all about even at the very beginning at the birth where life is in the balance the internal monologue is saying "go for it" the promise of a wonderful life, and now after all that effort where is it? I like this
"I'm no superstar" thanks.
This line
Just what was all that for is a reference back to the birth , and I agree with you, Im not that happy about it either.
The point in the outro is that the thought of being able to understand whats going on is probably just another illusion (broken dream).
cheers
pb
Oh, okay. Sorry I didn't get that quite right. Thanks for explaining. I'm gonna read it again.
Joe
Okay, now that I understand it better, that second verse does work better for me, but for some reason (maybe just because I've got it stuck in my head now) I still read it like you're just wanting to excel at something but keep falling short, and then maybe need something to be angry with, and instead of using the anger as determination to try harder, you curse the voice that made you try in the first place (setting you up for disappointment). I guess that would have to do with lack of self esteem. Okay, I don't know. I better stop talking or I'll start to confuse myself, lol.
Joe
I was hoping I'd have something deeper for you, but I just can't see anything to put my finger at here. I like the lyrics, and LOVE the 3rd verse! :D
I'll come back later and try harder, alright? :)
"I wish there was an over the counter test for my loneliness"
Ive done a rough recording if your interested, my timing and singing sucks but you get the general idea. Reminds me a bit of The Pogues.
Hi Joe,
I guess that would have to do with lack of self esteem
yeah your on to it. Maybe not so much the lack of self esteem but more "wanting to excel at something but keep falling short" just once too often. This song was experimental on a couple of levels. It the first time Ive tried starting with chorus, also the chorus is played using the same chords as the verse except they all include the G note on the e string.
manontheside thanks for your feedback
and LOVE the 3rd verse yeah I like that verse too. I think if I think V1 & V2 are a bit too obscure and dont really tell the story.
And thanks to that person who voted. I know some people dont like to comment so I thought that this would be a good way to get some anonymous opinion (apparently not).
cheers
pb
