Why
There's a note left on the table
Saying I'll be home late
This is not the first time that happens
And I'm running out of faith
Once you get back home
I ask where you have been
Just another meeting you say
But I feel the lie within
Tell me why
Why did it go wrong
Tell me when
When did this all start
Tell me how
How could this happen
Why don't I know
Easy you sleep, loud you snore
I get out of our bed
To start searching your clothes
You catch me and turn mad
You yell at me
I only stare back
Who is she, tell me that
Tell me why
Why did it go wrong
Tell me when
When did this all start
Tell me how
How could this happen
Why don't I know
Early in the morning I pack my stuff
You seem desperate but I really don't care
I've had more than enough
Of all your promises
This was really good. Good job! The one part I didn't really care to much for
Early in the morning I pack my stuff
You seem desperate but I really don't care
I've had more than enough
Of all your promises
The first three lines are fine, just the last one. Even though I can't think of one right off the top of my head at the moment I think a different line that rhymes with care in some way would work better but that is just me. The line seems kind of tacked on to push the fact that you fulfulled what the topic was asking. But yet again that is just me, and otherwise I think it is very well written.
Hi Karla,
I like what youve done here as well. The chorus is well written although the last line feels a bit out of place to me cos the rest is so tight. I think if this was mine Id change that line to something like this:
Tell me why
Why did it go wrong
Tell me when
When did this all start
Tell me how
How could this happen
Just tell me before I go
I kinda agree with PS as well, maybe something like
Early in the morning I pack my stuff
You seem desperate but I really don't care
I've had more than enough
Of promises that just arent there
Anyway good job :D .
pb
Hi,
It passed my 'strum and sing' test, and it was fun to sing. All good! :)
The 'strum and sing' test is just a very crude run through whereby I strum whatever chords that come into my head and then see if I can sing the words. It doesn't matter if it's off key, or whatever (which it usually is :shock: ) it's just to see if the words seem to lend themselves to being sung. If I end up talking the words it's a bad sign.... :?
I found that I automatically made quite a few small changes as I went along, just to make it fit the beat, but mostly they were minor. The clothes searching scene got changed a fair bit (and made a bit more dramatic) because I found the original words hard to fit into the structure I'd had up to that point. And some of the chorus words got repeated a couple of times. No big deals. Others would do it differently anyway.
And I punched up the finale a bit, so that I really enjoyed telling him to piss off. :D
Why don't you work on it some more and set it to your own music? A lot of your work has been done it seems, and I'd say it was definitely worth taking further, now you've got this far. :)
Just gotta love this forum ^^ I think fairly often when I post something, wow, thats a bad one... And every time you guys seem to like it anyhow.
After rereading it I think you're right about the lines you mentioned. I'll think about a way to change it.
There's some more I'd like to turn into a song, but I'm still having a cold which just won't let go of me... I can't sing anyway, not to think of how I sound right now :P So yeah, another one which I'll do some time later
