SSG5 - Week 11 - Walk Alone - with mp3

Wow, there have been a lot of songs about marriage lately. I'll just chip in that the line "What's going on" has been used before prominently so a listener might hear that line and think of the other song. I know I did as soon as I read it.

I like the line about a look somewhere between dread and surprise, but I can't really picture it.

the fat man walks alone ...

It is my understanding as more of a ummm peer preasure sort of thing ..One does not usually assosicate Fat man and crowds , more of the social out cast sort of thing . This is how the saying was explained to me back in school .It may have another meaning in different places across the world but in Rockhampton , about 1979 one Mr Mamintoe explained it to the class in that fashion ...

Your song :

Well its' very clever how you have placed the verses and the bridge , { I like it }

Instrumental ... I do .....

brings the song to another level I believe ..

Very much in the same vein as Dream as you mentioned ..

I like it

Cheers

Trevor

Hi Paul

As much as I like the second verse (the "cold feet" part is nicely done), I like it even more when bridge and the last verse complete the picture. When I first read the song, I jumped to the conclusion that this was a doomed relationship (talk about cliches! :wink: ) and was cheered by how the narrative worked out. Well done!

Looking forward to hearing it at some point.

Peace

Ive recorded to mp3, here:
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandID=328886

As I said in the introduction, this song has its root in the composition. I bought my son a new electric guitar for christmas and so Ive been facinated with what you can do with "one of them suckers". Also Ive recently bought myself a bass guitar, so this song is a culmination of mucking about with both of those instruments.

Bass: pbee
Electric guitar: pbee
Drum: courtesy of my computer and a bit of cutting and pasting

cheers

Paul

Awesome MP3

Something different muiscally from you ( just my opinion )

Only thing I did not enjoy

It wasn't long enough :lol: { greedy me }

Trevor

Sounds great, a few lines seemed like they were tough to fit such as:

"somewhere between dread and surprise"
and
"We've been together seems like forever"

but I think that if you just squeeze the words in near the front of the line rather squeeze them in the back it'll sound more natural.

Great work. Nice guitar tone.

Excellent MP3, I thought....

A tiny criticism....you could work on your phrasing a little, I got into the rhythm of the song very quickly, and there were a few times you seemed to stumble over the phrasing....but hey, this is a quick recording....only a couple of days from writing to recording...so you probably haven't got every line down flawlessly yet, I know it happens to me....

Good song, well played - fun being a one-man band isn't it!!!

:D :D :D

Vic

Thanks for the feedback,
Yeah those long lines are a bit tricky.
Good song, well played - fun being a one-man band isn't it!!!

Vic, yeah it is a lot fun. I'm really enjoying my new bass guitar, can't play it properly yet but still having fun with it. I've also just discovered another use for it, I find I can work out the chords of songs on my Bass easier than using my guitar. This really helps if there are no published chords on the net.

Paul

Hi Paul

Finally managed to download this and it's great! Love the guitarwork and you're becoming a much more than competent bass player! Very cool.

Having listened, though, I've suggestions I wouldn't have had otherwise as far as the song itself.

First, I'd like to suggest that you might use the "I do's" as tag lines in the spoken part of the bridge:
Bridge (spoken to background instrumental)
And do you take this person
To have and to hold (sung, possibly a chorus of voices: I do I do I do)
In sickness and in health
Till death do you part (sung, possibly a chorus of voices: I do I do I do)

And then go on with the instrumental and the final chorus of
I do
I do
I do

Second, I'm not sure about the "what's going on" line now. It didn't phase me in the least before, but (as has been noted), the phrasing of this really breaks up the momentum of the song. Maybe adding to this line will help things to ease into the "let's not walk alone" line. Maybe something like:

...Take my hand and let's be moving on
Let's not walk alone...

It's a minor thing, though.

Really looking forward to more!

Peace

Hey Paul, I didn't know you had gone electric 8) Sounds good :D I like the song, kind of alternative meets the 1960's. Looks like your having fun with it.---ken

Thanks David,
First, I'd like to suggest that you might use the "I do's" as tag lines in the spoken part of the bridge:

Yeah I could see that working, even a harmony with a female voice might be good, thanks for the idea.

Its interesting that you and Vic both zoomed in on that phrasing, my thinking there was that is was a kind of vocal relief after the lyric crammed lines that preceded it, a breather before the guitar ramps up the pace again. I guess the question is does the breaking of the momentum work or does it detract ?

Dog, Im just dipping my toes in the water at the moment, but hey, there's an electric guitar sitting on the rack now, so Id be crazy not to pick it up very now and then, now wouldn't I :D
Cheers
Paul

I agree completely with the "I do" part here, and I agree with you Paul that it'd be good bringing in a female vocals for this song. Nice job.

Ive been thinking about the phrasing, the last 2 lines of each verse are like a pseudo chorus and I quite like the contrast that they give. For me I think the issue is that the last 2 lines should be sung in the same way, so Ive changed to last line in the first two verses which I think will make them more compatible.

Paul

Paul

Very Cool MP3.

I like your electric sound. How did you do the drums?

John