SSG6 - Week 15 - Alone with you - with mp3

Hi Paul,

Both an interesting and nice piece of work. A couple of thoughts running round in my mind . . . . although your use of the word "love" doesn't bother me . . . . possibly my natural instinct to break rules . . . . . but still I wonder if the sentence might simply better off end with . . . .I stick with you cos . . . . . .

The other thing that has me thinking is that when you say
I don't want to be alone with you

isn't what you mean, "I don't want to be lonely with you" ????? To me, at least, there's a difference.

Anyway, fine work. I really enjoyed reading it.

Neil

Thanks for the feedback Neil.

I think the “I stick with you ...” line needs to be more than a tailing off line because of the current musical composition of the song, but I certainly understand what your saying, and with a different music composition it would certainly work. Interestingly enough that line has undergone a couple of iterations already. It was originally “I stick with you cos you're my place to hide”, but that would have sent this song down a different track altogether, a slightly sadder/darker direction.
isn't what you mean, "I don't want to be lonely with you" ????? To me, at least, there's a difference.

Yes, you're quite right on both counts, but I claim artistic license :D

Cheers
Paul

Ive posted an mp3 here if you're interested http://soundclick.com/share?songid=6261753 .

cheers
Paul

Paul

The singing really is sounding good mate it was a delight to listen to well done on that , the music wow brilliant mate I was tapping my foot away great job ..

I have picked out what I thought was some clever writing :

"And though you know I'm not than satisfied
I stick with you cos you're the one I love "

And

" I don't want to be alone with you
Alone with you "

Thats some very clever writing and I enjoyed reading your lyrics as much as I enjoyed listening to you sing them

Well done mate

Cheers
Trev.. :wink:

Thanks Trev,
I appreciate the feedback

cheers
Paul

To me, this song has a very Beatleish kinda vibe to it - I reckon you could do a lot with the arrangement (e.g. adding vocal harmonies, or maybe having a flute or violin or something playing a countermelody on the stretched out "I.....I...." bits) to really push it further. perhaps it wold work better having instruments harmonising with the vox instead of adding further vocals - creating more of a sense of human isolation - would work best. I also reckon you could get some musical mileage out of playing around more with the dynamics of the piece in places, without really compromising the subject matter.

really nice tune overall. but can I ask how you recorded it? the guitar part sounded like it was recorded to tape with some, uh, tape-wobble (for want of a better phrase) in places.

good job though! :D

Hey Scrybe,

thanks for the feedback. The guitar was recorded on my PC using 2 mics spaces about 40cm from the guitar , one pointing to the bridge the other to the 13th fret. I think the fade in fade out thats going on in there is a combination of me not sitting still and me also struggling a bit with the barre chords. I applied a pan effect to place the guitar out to the sides, and a slight delay (3 milli seconds) to one of the channels to accentuate the pan effect. Then a little bit of eq to roll off bass frequencies so they don't conflict with the bass guitar. Thanks for your suggestions w.r.t. the arrangement, I think your right, there are some real possibilities.

cheers
Paul

beautiful.
and surprising.

i .....
i .....
want to sing along....

:wink:
cheers,
straycat.

Very nice!

This one is going on my MP3 player

John