I think you have to be in a certain kinda mood to really get this song. Its ment to be angry yet nostalgic. if that is the right word im just to lazy to look it up.
Now im standing in line saving your place
waiting for the show to start
Its sold out line is long I cant feel my face
Looking around at my comrads in arms
The cold slowly breaking us down
Hoping and praying that time will speed up
the sound check one, two, one
What am I saying
Your not gonna come
your not going to show up
your not gonna have fun
The doors upen up and a blast from the heat
the mob is ready to get off the cold street
Rusing inside caught in the haze
I buy you a shirt not thinking whats up
How dumb was that twenty bucks down the drain
something you wont get or appreciate
What am I saying
Your not gonna come
your not going to show up
Your not gonna have fun
Your loosing its time to cut us free
Now its on im throwing a fit
im loosing my mind cause im thinking of you
you make me go crazy I dont know what to do
What am I saying
Your not gonna come
your not going to show up
Your never any fun
Now im bleeding and breaking and starting to riot
The music is flowing and the rock is not quiet
What am I saying
your not gonna come
your not going to show up
Now im having fun
Now im having fun
Now im having fun
No words no explination just music
'You stupid female canine your crazy donkey female canine'
- clearly, Parental Advisory WAS needed!!!
Anyway, mostly, I like it, just a couple of lines that didn't work for me:
'the sound check one, two, one'
- I couldn't help but think, "hang on, we're outside whilst the sound check goes on inside - how can we hear it?" I'm sure that wasn't what you were trying to get at, but that what I got from the line. Change it/don't change it, up to you.
'The music is flowing and the rock is not quiet'
- the rhyme seemed forced - which is a shame coz I like the line before. This one I'd definitely advise changing.
There we go - hope that helps.
I like the anger/nostalgia thing, although whether I would have got the nostaligia without you mentioning that I'm not sure.
But good!
G
Listen Louder Than You Play
Thank you the words are automatically changed from curs words so I dont know what to say. I fealt like the line about the music not being quiet too was very wrong and it was forced like you said. I think I will change it to:
now im bleeding and breaking and starting to riot
the music's comsuming my souls become violent
That sounds a little better to me. Obviously this is where I would play a turnaround in the song but I fealt like it would be a strong point.
Also the line about the sound check was like that because I am supose to be close to the doors and the check is very loud I just was unsure how to get that feeling of urgency into the song.
Thanks for your imput.
No words no explination just music
I've noticed that the donkey is getting a lot of work on this forum lately :lol: loved the song and the revision does work much better 8) The story has a nice progression about it. --the dog
Works for me...first thing I thought of was RHCP....that could have something to do with the first two lines though....
I had a little trouble fitting a rhythm to it at first...verses are 7 lines, 6 lines and 4 lines...guessing the little 2-liner is a bridge....
But hey, work on anything long enough, you can make it fit....
:) :) :)
Vic
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
I would only make one comment that the first verse be stronger.
Something maybe like
Everybody's standing in line looking for away in
You're looking for a way out
Am I wasting my time trying to hold you a spot
When the show is soldout with the cold breaking me down
Hoping and praying that time will flash by to the sound check
Well, that's my two cents work. :D :D :D
"Don't get trapped by the tyranny of four" Rikky Rooksby
Thanks to everyone who helped out in this song. I keep reading the first verse over and over again and I just think it is crap. I need to really sit down and work out what is going on while I am standing in line. This song is driving me nuts but that is what makes it a work in progress.
No words no explination just music
