I went to my son's school play during the week , i:e assingment for this week , the play was 'Paris' the war between the greeks and the trojans.
SAILING AWAY
AS THE WIND BLOWS
MY SAILS GROWS
THE POUNDING OF THE OCEAN UPON MY SHIP
THERE IS NO CASINO NOR EVEN A CHIP
ELOPING WITH MY TRUE LOVE AT SEA
ELOPING WITH MY TRUE LOVE AT SEA
I LOVE HER AND SHE LOVES ME
JUST BEING HAPPY WE WILL BE
THINKING OF WHAT I HAVE DONE
WONDERING HOW LONG WE CAN RUN
FROM HER HUSBAND
WITH ME
ELOPING WITH MY TRUE LOVE AT SEA
ELOPING WITH MY TRUE LOVE AT SEA
I LOVE HER AND SHE LOVES ME
JUST BEING HAPPY WE WILL BE
SAILING AWAY IN HER ARMS
BEING ENTICED BY HER CHARMS
I DON'T CARE WHO'S IS SHE
I'LL FIGHT AND I'LL FIGHT HE
ELOPING WITH MY TRUE LOVE AT SEA
ELOPING WITH MY TRUE LOVE AT SEA
I LOVE HER AND SHE LOVES ME
JUST BEING HAPPY WE WILL BE
WILL ANYONE TRUELY UNDERSTAND
LOOKING FOR (PAUSE)THE WHITE SAND
OF MY HOME AND MY LAND
JUST WAITING FOR MY LAND
just looking my for land
:D 8) :D 8)
Aghhhh
Not only am I a senior citizen
I'm now a bloody senior member
Are you people trying to tell me I'm old or what ?
over 700 posts ( I really do need to get out more )
I like! It hangs together well and makes a solid and unified statement. My favorite line is "There is no casino nor even a chip". Heh heh.
I suggest perhaps holding off on the chorus until after the second verse. The two verses fit together well and the chorus would have more punch there than after the first verse.
Also consider rewriting the "who's is she" and the "I'll fight he" part. The flow hung up for me on that part because I was expecting "her" and "him" instead of "she" and "he", though I guess it does add to the ancient Greek-ish feeling.
Good work!
You may well wish to take Sarah's advice over mine, but I liked the chorus before verse 2 - it made the 'FROM HER HUSBAND' bit a bit naughtier after 'ELOPING WITH MY TRUE LOVE AT SEA' - which is always good!
Up to you - otherwise, good stuff!
G
Listen Louder Than You Play
Thnaks people I have changed it on my writting pad but affraid I like it the way it is but if anyone wants to change it and see what version they like .
I thank you for your input though
8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8)
Aghhhh
Not only am I a senior citizen
I'm now a bloody senior member
Are you people trying to tell me I'm old or what ?
over 700 posts ( I really do need to get out more )
Sarah ,
after playing this for about a week and changing the chorus from between verses one and two to between two and three
it does sound alot better when you first mentioned it i did it and wasn't to impressed until i really got in to it and a few ales helped that ( lol )
but thank you you saw something there that i was too quick to disreaguard
thanks again
Aghhhh
Not only am I a senior citizen
I'm now a bloody senior member
Are you people trying to tell me I'm old or what ?
over 700 posts ( I really do need to get out more )
Nice, takes me there, good image in my mind. I'm a bit worried about what will happen when her old man catches up with you- :lol: :lol: -the dog
Good one!
Sorry I didn't reply to your pm....first thing I noticed was what someone else mentioned, the lines
I DON'T CARE WHO'S IS SHE
I'LL FIGHT AND I'LL FIGHT HE
didn't seem to flow well...but the more I looked at it, the more archaic and poetic it looks....which fits the inspiration...
As for the chorus, I don't think it matters which way you use it...
Funny, isn't it, how you mind tends to wander during a school play!
:) :) :)
Vic
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
Thanks Dog & Vic ,
Yeah I reckon her old man wouldn't be too happy but hey who cares (lol)
and yes school plays well one's mind does wonder in and out of what your child is potraying on their big stage .
thanks again everyone
p,s
I think I'm getting the hang of this writing thing now :roll:
:D :D :D :D :D :D
Aghhhh
Not only am I a senior citizen
I'm now a bloody senior member
Are you people trying to tell me I'm old or what ?
over 700 posts ( I really do need to get out more )
