Sunday Songwrites Week 13 -- The Meter Reader song

Hi Margaret,

Don't sell yourself short. I think you did a great job with this. I liked the imagery & the finger snapping is a nice touch. BYW, there's nothing wrong with silly little ditties, there's a couple guys from England who wrote a few & seemed to do OK by it [ Obladi oblada life goes on.] Great first effort & I look forward to seeing more of your stuff.

Thanks for the encouragament, PORR, though you may live to regret it. :wink:

Here's my first edit (below). Added a bridge (I think), but the tune would change from the verse, and the meter changes there, too.

Also substituted "patrol" for "I stroll" (verse 2, line 2); changed "Mad as hell" to "Road rage" (verse 3, line 6), and a few other minor alterations.

Comments/suggestions gratefully accepted.

Margaret

(finger snapping throughout to a walking beat over a simple, bluesy tune)

(verse 1)
I'm the meter reader.
Readin' meters is my game.
Yeah, I'm the meter reader.
Every day is just the same.
I wear a uniform,
Writin' tickets is the norm,
Yeah, I'm the meter reader.
And Frank's my name.

(verse 2)
Oh I'm the meter reader.
Patrol the downtown streets.
Yeah, I'm the meter reader.
Blisters bruise my feet.
I wear the gel inserts,
But they don't stop the hurt.
I'm the meter reader,
Sun and rain and sleet.

(bridge?)
I'm the meter reader.
How d'you do?
You hate me
For the job I do,
But I got ‘nothin'
Personal ‘gainst you.
Oh I'm the meter reader.
How d'you do? [alternate line—You say “F” “U”]

(verse 3)
I'm the meter reader.
Chalkin' tires for fun.
Yo, I'm the meter reader.
Gonna write you one.
Ticket on your windshield,
Road rage is what you feel.
I'm the meter reader,
Happy day is done!

(finger snapping and walking beat fade off)

Interesting take. I especially like the conflict between the narrator and the people he gives tickets to. Definately a bluesy tune to me.

Hey Margaret ..

This is pretty good and like Porr said " don't sell yourself short "

I like the re-write but I also like the original just as much .

One line I would like to see tweeked a little is :

And Frank's my name ( I waas always told never never start with And )

It's bad gramma so they say ...Sooo haveing said that I would say

Frank is my name - ( still four words for meter no pun intended )

Hilch

re: hilch's post:

I don't think the 'And' is a problem, but that line stands out to me for a different reason. Is it really necessary to name our hero 'Frank'? It just seems a bit banal. Also, if he was nameless, then he could represent an amalgamation of all meter readers, and not just one. Just a suggestion.

Is it really necessary to name our hero 'Frank'? It just seems a bit banal.
Yes, I thought it was a little trite, too, but I kept it in because I thought it might help make the "meter reader" a person, with a name, a family, a life, etc.......which makes it just a tad harder to hate him, maybe. Talking myself into it further, I decided that "Frank" could relate to "telling the truth", and the meter reader is actually just documenting fact, which is that you (me, really) forgot to feed the meter. Thirdly, I haven't thought up a different rhyme for that line. :lol:

I wrote another verse later but now I can't find it. It was something like this, and would probably go between verse 2 and the bridge:

I'm the meter reader.
Monotony clouds my head.
Oh I'm the meter reader
When one flips to red,
I whip my tickets out,
Predict just what you'll shout.
I'm the meter reader.
You curse me dead.

Thanks for all the comments, peoples. I appreciate your taking the time to read it. :)

Margaret

I'm not sure the latest verse works as well. And I think I have the same thoughts about the bridge. What makes the first version work is the happy-go-lucky style of the narration, especially since we all know how people are going to react to any interaction with him. As OWA points out, the conflict between the narrator and the ticketed persons, even though (and possibly especially because) this all takes place in the imagination, is truly the heart of the song. And definitely going with a finger snapping style will add more to this!

It's easy on a song like this to want to add more, but I think that the more of the other side (the reactions of the people getting tickets) that you bring to it, the less powerful the song becomes. You notice this even in the last verse of the original version:
I'm the meter reader.
Chalkin' tires for fun.
Yo, I'm the meter reader.
Gonna write you one.
Ticket on your windshield,
Mad as hell you will feel.
I'm the meter reader,
Happy day is done!

The "mad as hell" line detracts from the rest of the verse. From the rest of the song, for that matter, as you've already done such a great job of giving Frank (or whatever he'll be called) a wonderful air of self-absorbed obliviousness.

I guess this is a long-winded way of saying don't get caught up in being long-winded! :wink:

Great first SSG post and looking forward to many more!

Peace