Tan and Grey: Week 34

Elle

Its' good to see you have found where song writting can be alot of fun and good friends can be made , so welcome I hope you enjoy the journey ..

Beautiful recording as usual with that lovely voice ...

A few lines caught my eye in your song that say alot to me

Go in and be sure of you

Don't close your mind at the door

Along with the colors of tan and grey ..

Nice to see your name here..

Trev aka { Hilch}
No monkey business :lol: :lol:

And yes, those few lines were the gist of the song, and the ongoing argument I'm having with THAT YOUNG PERSON...LOL

Oh, and I changed the song up a little..added room for a lead break, and another verse, so now it's a normal length.

I suppose I should post the new lyrics, too...!

TAN AND GREY – by ELLE

:D

Nice Elle Nice

I only have one litttle thing not so nice to say about your song and others won't agree with me , but hey thats life ..

Why so many chords " THAT I CAN'T PLAY ?"

Not fair :cry:

Bb = whats that

Asus2 = I have no idea

E7= there are numbered ones as well ?

Im surprised there isn't a F in there , then I would not be able to play one line ..

OK OK I am going to google these chords now gee what ever happened to good old 3 chord songs all played in open chords ..

Only teasing ....Monkeys like simple chords

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

LOL Barnabus...well, they're all variations of chords that you would know! Asus2, and I may be wrong on this one, but it's just two simple fingers, on the G and B strings, 2nd fret...it's the A chord, but without the D. Bb is also easy, mainly because I cheat...LOL I play it like an A chord, but moved up one fret. There IS supposed to be a first fret placement on the A string, but ya know...cheat! E7 is great, it's featured in a lot of blues songs...it's the E chord, but without the D string, on the 2nd fret. Try playing an E7 and then move down to A7, which is the D, 2nd fret, and the B, also 2nd fret...those two pretty much make up a lot of blues songs when you go back and forth between them.

I added those chords in, rather than staying with the D, Bb, C, G, A and E, just to add an element of either finality and resolution, and a different type of flavour.

Struth, if you wanted to play this song, Hilch, you could...once you get the Bb down, just stay with the G, A, C, E and D's!!! You could use an A chord for the Asus2, and an E for the E7!

Elle

Good writing here Ellen, and I think that the difference between the original version and your second draft really shows your writing ability.

I love the lines
Just a peek and you could see, this is where I have been
There is no black or white to me
I see the colours within

it conjours up some great imagery for me!

You've definately got a keeper here.

Pete

Thank you so much, Pete!!! Can't wait to hear the full song, with fixed vocals, et al...

Elle

Hi Elle,

This is a very nice piece of writing. Unfortunately I'm at work and soundclick is blocked, so I can't listen right now, but I'll give it a listen at home later on.

What I really like about this is that there are a lot of layers of the onion to peel back, and although the song is open for some interpretation, it is not overly vague.

My favorite line is:
A word would be wise but don't tell lies

My only criticism at this point is that you cheated by not using the line exactly as it was presented. But with the lyrics you've developed, I think I can forgive that one transgression.

My only suggestion, to be taken or left, is the last line of the chorus:

Colours of tan and grey
I've been where you are before

The first time I read it, I misread it as "Colours of tan and grey I've seen where you are before", and I think it almost fits better that way. You've seen the colors where this person has been. It shows that you've been there, rather than just saying it.

Nice work. I look forward to hearing it when I am able to.

Doug

Thank you, Doug! I love the onion analogy, and I particularly like your small change of 'been' to 'seen'....it makes more sense, and isn't quite as cliche, to my mind, anyways.

However, how do you mean that I cheated by not using, "A word would be wise but don't tell lies"...? I don't comprehend what you mean by "not using the line exactly as it was presented." I think I missed something, and it's important if I did, so thank you for pointing it out to me...if you could just clarify?

Elle

However, how do you mean that I cheated by not using, "A word would be wise but don't tell lies"...? I don't comprehend what you mean by "not using the line exactly as it was presented." I think I missed something, and it's important if I did, so thank you for pointing it out to me...if you could just clarify?

Elle

LOL - sorry, I should have been more specific. Nothing at all wrong with that line - it is my favorite in the song.

I meant that the assignment called for us to use the line

"And if you tell yourself it's easy, you may even find it is"
But you wrote
"And if you tell yourself it's easy, you might even find it's true"

But we aren't here to police creativity - you got the essense of the line, and that's the most important thing, and you built a beautiful song around it. Really just trying to find something to nitpick and trying to be funny, and failing, as usual :)

Doug

Oh, my, Doug, you have NO IDEA how I tried, SO HARD, to make it work with just the ending of, "is".....do you know how few words work in a song, rhyming-wise, with "is"??? There are a lot of words that end in "is" but "adenohypophysis" and "carcinosis" and even "Elvis" just would NOT FIT the idea of the song!

I tried for 3 days to make that one work, and gave up in frustration, and I even tried to place it elsewhere in the song so it would not have to rhyme, but that didn't work either! I came close to using either "quiz" or "biz"...ack!!!

So, yes, I ahem cheated...LOL but I DID use the full line, and in my newest version I will ensure I make it, "it is", with true on the next line...LOL

Elle

Hey, Elle,

Don't worry about it. Honestly. Leave it as is. I was joking :lol: :lol: :lol:

Don't change it to "is" - it will be too much.

Doug

Hi Ellen

I love this the MP3 is raw and exciting and I love the rhythm you've got going on it's fantastic. You can cheat all you want on those chords they sound great.

Great stuff

Bob :wink:

Thank you, Bob! I updated the vocals, again, on soundclick, as I had some grinders in the file as it stood, if you're interested, and it gives me a better idea of where I'm going with it.

Elle

Hey, Elle,

I know what you mean about hearing something in your head a lot better than you can produce it, but I think you did fine--we can imagine the rest along with you. Very nice voice, too. Many of us can only imagine ourselves sounding that good. Well done. Looking forward to hearing more.