W4 Y10 Give me fundays

Hey Hilch

Are you just trying to show off now ?

Two songs in one week ......

But hey this is terrific

I really mean that mate this has such wonderful imagery

And really nails the week

I'm thinking there are people who would truely understand this song

and relate to it

Well done mate well done

No not showing off

But thank you for the kind words of encouragement

Definitely got the assignment nailed with this one....good idea taking the week apart day by day!!!

Only a couple of places I floundered with the rhythm....3rd line of the chorus...."I would rather not be the chosen few" might read better as something like "Don't want to join (OR Don't want to be one of) the chosen few".....and

"Friday only 9 hours left
As the day rolls on I can see through the cleft "

I can see what you're getting at - but "cleft" sounds forced (I forget who it was - might possibly have been Nick - but someone said, "If it doesn't look right when you write it down, it won't sound good when you sing it").....

Maybe something like:

"Friday, 9 hours to go,
Time seems to pass so slow,"

or to lighten the mood,

"Friday, less of the heavy heart,
Just 9 hours till the weekend starts..."

Just a suggestion or two - hope they help.....

You really don't need that much help with your writing - just go back and re-read it when you've finished, and if anything doesn't look natural or doesn't sound quite right, play around with it till you've got a better word/line/phrase....

:D :D :D

Vic

Thanks Vic

When I read what you pointed out about my chorus :

"Don't want to be one of the chosen few "

is exactly what I thought in mind but it just did not come out when I wrote it down ... ( note to self proof read prior to submitting ) ...

Chosen few is my reference to being one person who has gainful employment while thousands do not ..

Thanks for the advise on the Friday verse ( that's the one I was struggling with ) yes very forced that one ( thanks )

Appreciate your advise Vic thank-you

:wink:

nice song man

I really dig the changes the Vic man made ... really nice

Just a thought

Would it be better if I had

Monday - Tuesday-chorus

Wednesday - chorus

Thursday - Friday - chorus

I have been playing around with it and have got all the edits from Vic in there
Fundays

Monday morning woken from my fantacy land
Only have time for coffee , shower and the morning tram
Why is Monday always such a rush
The lunch that you packed is always mushed

Tuesday things are no better
A little more time to write my letter
One day I 'll send this letter of resignation
Then my life can be one big vacation

Give me a Saturday and a Sunday
I could survive with only fun days
DON'T WANT TO BE ONE OF THE CHOSEN FEW
Rather spend my life holding you

Wednesday thinking 2 down 2 to go
Just thinking how did my life get so low
I can't be bothered chasing promotions
I would rather be sailing on the oceans

Give me a Saturday and a Sunday
I could survive with only fun days
DON'T WANT TO BE ONE OF THE CHOSEN FEW
Rather spend my life holding you

Thursday making week-end plans
Thinking of sun,surf and lovely white sands
I can't think of any thing better
Won't be needing that company sweater

Friday, less of the heavy heart,
Just 9 hours till the weekend starts
I now I know what they had in mind
When they sang I've got Friday on my mind

Give me a Saturday and a Sunday
I could survive with only fun days
DON'T WANT TO BE ONE OF THE CHOSEN FEW
Rather spend my life holding you

-------------------------------------
or

Fundays

Monday morning woken from my fantacy land
Only have time for coffee , shower and the morning tram
Why is Monday always such a rush
The lunch that you packed is always mushed

Give me a Saturday and a Sunday
I could survive with only fun days
DON'T WANT TO BE ONE OF THE CHOSEN FEW
Rather spend my life holding you

Tuesday things are no better
A little more time to write my letter
One day I 'll send this letter of resignation
Then my life can be one big vacation

Give me a Saturday and a Sunday
I could survive with only fun days
DON'T WANT TO BE ONE OF THE CHOSEN FEW
Rather spend my life holding you

Wednesday thinking 2 down 2 to go
Just thinking how did my life get so low
I can't be bothered chasing promotions
I would rather be sailing on the oceans

Give me a Saturday and a Sunday
I could survive with only fun days
DON'T WANT TO BE ONE OF THE CHOSEN FEW
Rather spend my life holding you

Thursday making week-end plans
Thinking of sun,surf and lovely white sands
I can't think of any thing better
Won't be needing that company sweater

Friday, less of the heavy heart,
Just 9 hours till the weekend starts
I now I know what they had in mind
When they sang I've got Friday on my mind

Give me a Saturday and a Sunday
I could survive with only fun days
DON'T WANT TO BE ONE OF THE CHOSEN FEW
Rather spend my life holding you

================================

just wondering what would be the better lay out

Advise would be greatly appreciated

Just a thought

Would it be better if I had

Monday - Tuesday-chorus

Wednesday - chorus

Thursday - Friday - chous

YES ! That works for me.

This is really good.

John

Thanks John

The more I read it with

Monday -Tuesday - chorus

Wednesday - chorus

Thursday - Friday - chorus

The better it seems to become also it reads ok to me if you drop the last chorus .. Gives a real ending that the week is over ...

Thanks again

Thanks John

The more I read it with

Monday -Tuesday - chorus

Wednesday - chorus

Thursday - Friday - chorus

The better it seems to become also it reads ok to me if you drop the last chorus .. Gives a real ending that the week is over ...

Thanks again

unless......you wanted to re-do the last chorus, something like....

"Here comes Saturday and Sunday,
Here come the fun days,
(Insert two lines here of what you do at weekends....)

then it might work better as:

Monday
Tuesday

Chorus

Wednesday
Thursday

Chorus

Friday

Revised chorus.......

Just a thought....

:D :D :D

Vic

not a bad idea Vic ..

I'll go back to my draft (in word ) and play around with it ...
do you mind if I pm you when I have finsihed it ?

Just in case you can see another way of expressing the words ?

Don't mind at all Hilch - that's what PM's are for!!!

But there are other people here who are usually glad of the chance to contribute....

Oh, and as for your other thread, re music for this, what are you thinking of? Rocker? Blues? What tempo? Give us a clue....!!!

:D :D :D

Vic

When I sing it in my head it's like the Mamas and the Papas

Folky sort of thing

Vic:
Obviously we were both posting at the same time in different threads started by me ..

But what ever you think would suit
( I have no experience in this bringing songs to life )