Solo
Well Kevin works in an office surrounded by plastic,
Dividing partitions,left right and centre,
Spends all day on the phone to his clients,
Talking 'bout stocks futures and debentures,
The only time he has any human contact,
Is when he goes to the water cooler to take,
A couple of aspirins or some pepto-bismol,
For his churning stomach and dull headache....
Well Molly's better known as Madeleine,
All she she has to do is pick up the phone,
And keep men talking just as long as she can,
Keep them interested but she's so alone,
She doesn't have a man in her life,
She's far too busy trying to pay her rent,
She needs to salt a little away for her old age,
But she's got too many habits and it's easily spent....
I get bored to tears in front of this VDU,
Sending junk mail to people I don't know,
But I have no friends and I have no life,
Outside of this room I have no place to go,
And many times I've fallen asleep,
In this uncomfortable old chair,
With only my dog for company,
Must remember to feed me and her....
(Note.....I think this may need another verse or half-verse just to wrap it up....not sure yet...I'll have another look in the morning.....)
Vic
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
Excellent as usual Vic,
I liked all of this. the end of the 2nd verse was awesome
'She doesn't have a man in her life,
She's far too busy trying to pay her rent,
She needs to salt a little away for her old age,
But she's got too many habits and it's easily spent....'
My favourite was probably the last verse. You paint a perfect picture of a person that is cut of from the world, tired, and alone, just as bob asked.
I would only change the third line, to something thats 'shows' the narrator has no friends/life. ie
'I get bored to tears in front of this VDU,
Sending junk mail to people I don't know,
Which is anyone really, no one ever calls,
Outside of this room I have no place to go,'
I think this is a pretty good length, especially as it would probably be a slow mournful number, perhaps just a sad/minor bridge with some humming or something begore the last verse...
good writing
sozay
currently number 60 in total posts... and shooting for number 1!!
hey:)
so it's different points of view.... I like the idea/stories of it and there are lines which are just excellent :D
Sending junk mail to people I don't know,
that line I really like a lot.
With only my dog for company,
Must remember to feed me and her.... can see that picture;)
I dunno about the 'another half-verse" thing.. could be cool but it also could work well as you have it.. :wink:
nice one.
bluenightangel
"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin
I like this alot Vic, maybe a chorus or bridge? Or just the way it is would work :wink: -the dog
Hi'a vic,
Well Ireally love the third verse and would personally use this as the main song ..... it has just so much soul in compared to the first two verses for me any way..... but then maybe I think differently from most.
just my opinion anyway
Go well
Ja'mir
I am a cloud within a cloud http://www.justjamir.com
you can hear my songs at :
Good use of imagery vic on all the verses, it is very easy to visualize the song, and i like to be able to see what i hear =D
