I hope you don't mind me taking the liberty of adding one small participle to the assignment. It all works itself out in the end!
edit(needed to tweak just a tad. Some of the lines didn't work when actually sung!)
OK. third times the charm, right? I still didn't like how this sung. so I tweaked once again!
I've added this to my soundclick page here: http://soundclick.com/share?songid=6359439
NOTE: In my ongoing battle with my digital recorder, I'm still struggling with the "set In" function, so there's about 19 seconds of silence before the song starts playing! Hang on, it's there!
Second Thoughts
I was unpacking my bag when the phone rang
But I'd been thinking about you
Since the plane touched down
Not every love is a sure thing
But I thought your heart was true
I felt like a child with her eyes closed
When I heard the whispers
Behind the smiles
I guess I was the last to know
What everyone could see
But my mind goes back to a summer night
And the way you held me in the fading light
When the wine was sweet, and the mood was right
To fall in love with you.
I was having my coffee when the mail came
And I saw the letter
That came from you
Do I want to rekindle that old flame
Another chance at love with you
I tried to hold onto the pain then
A bitter sweet remembrance
Of my days with you
I won't go on hoping in vain when
I read the words from you
But I can hear you singing on the old back porch
Strumming by the light of a tiki torch
And the air felt like a lightning scorch
When I fell in love with you
I was taking a shower when the wire came
And it just said baby,
Won't you please come home
You said you'd shoulder the whole blame
If I'd just come back to you
I was packing my bag when the phone rang
And you said you'd meet me when the plane touched down
Not every love is a sure thing
But I'm praying your heart is true.
Kathy Reichert
3/11/08
Falling in love is like learning to play the guitar; first you learn to follow the rules, then you learn to play with your heart.
Don't mind the liberty at all. :wink:
It's funny - I was talking with a friend the other night about songwriting and the discussion turned to "just how much of the story should we tell anyway?" This is a great example of that. There's enough specifics to make it personal (although there could still be room for more - the stanza about the back porch and the Tiki torch is one of the strongest parts of the song because of the specifics...) but also plenty of room for interpretation and every listener can walk away from this without knowing everything that's gone before or going on now or going to happen in the future.
The cool thing is that, as a listener, we're brought into the whole idea of second thoughts because we only have a limited view because of the narration. I like it a lot. But I think you should continue to tweak because I think you can both tighten the language a bit and also give it more of a personal touch.
The first line of the second stanza kind of threw me. I can't help but wonder if "child" might be better than "man" - not because of the gender but rather because of the idea of innocence. Just a thought.
What type of music are you thinking about?
Peace
Thanks Dave! Child does work for the first line of the second stanza. I originally had "blind man", and that wouldn't work with the tune. This is one of the rare instances where I had music before words. It'a always more difficult for me to tweak when I write the music first. I have a ceratin cadence in mind and it thows off the prose somewhat. Originally I thought I would combime the broken promises theme from last week with this one, but it turned into something else. I'm still going to play around with it. Sometimes songs just eveolve the more you sing them. This is kind of an uptempo. I hear piano. I hear strings. bring on the freakin orchestra!
Falling in love is like learning to play the guitar; first you learn to follow the rules, then you learn to play with your heart.
There is so much good stuff in there! Maybe too much?
I had to really focus to get into it. More like reading a poem. A chorus or a little more repetition would make it more accessible.
"But my mind goes back to a summer night
And the way you held me in the fading light
When the wine was sweet, and the mood was right
To fall in love with you. "
The words really have a great flow. It would make a nice chorus. For some reason it reminds me of the last verse in Springsteen's the River. " I remember driving in my brother's car, her body tanned and wet down at the reservoir."
lavadave wrote:
The words really have a great flow. It would make a nice chorus. For some reason it reminds me of the last verse in Springsteen's the River. " I remember driving in my brother's car, her body tanned and wet down at the reservoir."
You have made a friend for life comparing my lyrics to Springsteens! :D
Actually, this IS a chorus, along with the stanza about the tiki torch.
Falling in love is like learning to play the guitar; first you learn to follow the rules, then you learn to play with your heart.
Kathy,
This really sucked me into the story. I like the way you resolved it at the end.
Lavadave is right about the Springsteen I was hearing this very much in the tempo
of The River.
I used a similar structure in my song this week and also changed the assigned line slightly.
One small grammatical thing
I felt like a child with their eyes closed
Shouldn't this read
I felt like a child with HER eyes closed
Good Job
John
Thanks for catching the grammatical error John! Missed that on the last edit!
Falling in love is like learning to play the guitar; first you learn to follow the rules, then you learn to play with your heart.
That is very lovely listening to , you have a great tone in your voice and it really suits this style of music in my opinion ...
Well done on the playing and singing pure magic to listen to ..
The lyrics are very well written and like John , I to was sucked in ...In a good way ...
Cheers
Trev.. :wink:
Here is to you as good as you are
And here is to me as bad as I am
As good as you are and as bad as I am
I'm as good as you are as bad as I am
Every once in a while in this forum, along comes a song which REALLY grabs you by the ears and won't let go. I'm pleased to say this is one of these songs. All I can say is, if I heard this on the radio, I'd run, nay, SPRINT to the record shop and buy it.
Sounds like the digital recorder was a great investment - the recording is beautifully clear, and I love the echo - just enough. Makes your vocals even better.
Perfect!
As Cathy McGowan (British readers who remember "Ready Steady Go" from the 60's will remember!) would doubtlessly say, "Oi'll give it foive!)
:D :D :D :D :D
Vic
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
