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Year 6 Week 19 - So...
 
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Year 6 Week 19 - Sorry = with MP3

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(@chefie)
Prominent Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 553
Topic starter  

So I started this week off with a bang. Finished the assignment first thing on Sunday . . . . then I promptly erased it by accident. Couldn't get what I had started out of my mind, yet I couldn't remember enough of it to reconstruct it the way it first was . . . . so what began easily, became a very difficult task. Appreciate your comments.

Neil

http://www.soundclick.com/neilstuart

SORRY

I was packing my bag when the phone rang
didn't answer it cause I knew it was you and it would just be more of the same old thing
angry words and accusations
no solutions just more complications
there was nothing more I could say so I packed my bag and went on my way

why couldn't you believe in me, instead of your fears
careless words said by a so called friend, destroying what we had after all these years
lies said have a life of their own
and once they've found a bed, they never leave you alone
and then you turned your back
wouldn't listen to me, wouldn't give me any slack

why couldn't you trust me
the same way that I trusted you
why couldn't you love me
the same way that I loved you
then one day your friend said she'd something to say
said she'd made a mistake that day
and she was sorry
she was sorry

I unpacked my bag, in another town
I knew nothing was ever going to be the same again, without you around
and since then I've learned a thing or two
without trust there's nothing to pull you through
and I'm sorry,
are you sorry too.


   
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(@katreich)
Prominent Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 686
 

Looks like we took the same tack." Yeah, I know it's you on the phone, but I'm not picking up! ". I'll listen later!

Falling in love is like learning to play the guitar; first you learn to follow the rules, then you learn to play with your heart.

www.soundclick.com/kathyreichert


   
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(@davidhodge)
Member
Joined: 16 years ago
Posts: 4472
 

Hey Neil

This grabbed me from the first rhyme - "rang" and "thing" - you actually make it work! Fantastic!

And, as usual, you manage to come up with some lines I wish I'd written:
lies said have a life of their own
and once they've found a bed, they never leave you alone

And I also liked the chord progression. It's very catchy.

If there was anything I'd suggest, it would simply be to try to make the narration a little more consistent. It may just be me, but someone who's capable of the above lines would definitely be more of the "why couldn't you believe in me, instead of your fears" and not so much of a "why couldn't you trust me / the same way that I trusted you / why couldn't you love me / the same way that I loved you" person. It's like the thoughtful, clever and observant narrator turned into a whiny one when I wasn't looking.

And I sympathize with the computer troubles! That's why I've gone back to the time honored tradition of writing things out with pen and paper :wink: Do kids get to use "my computer ate my homework" at school these days?

Looking forward to more!

Peace


   
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(@lavadave)
Trusted Member
Joined: 17 years ago
Posts: 54
 

If you look at rang and thing I think it could be just as good if not better to knock off "old thing"

"I was packing my bag when the phone rang
didn't answer it cause I knew it was you and it would just be more of the same"


   
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(@vic-lewis-vl)
Illustrious Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 10264
 

Well up to the usual standards....I know I've said it before, but you've definitely found your niche. I could recognise one of your songs blindfolded - your voice is distinctive, you always come up with a nice guitar accompaniment, you always manage to fit the lyrics to the music nicely.....

It's definitely time you edited that soundclick profile though - "I'm not a guitarist, I'm not a singer" - what rubbish! Your passport should read........Occupation - Singer/Songwriter.

Which is the category James Taylor used to be placed in.....not that you sound like JT, but there's a similarity in that you always seem to find something new to say in a pretty restrictive genre - one voice, one guitar. Also, a certain Dhodge described your voice as "soothing"....yeah, that's pretty much how I think of JT.

:D :D :D

Vic

"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)


   
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(@pearlthekat)
Noble Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 1468
 

I like this song, too and the delivery. you made much more out of the theme than I could have thought of.


   
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 Celt
(@celt)
Famed Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 2649
 

Nice Job Neil,

Once again you've managed to take long lines that would have anybody else fumbling
and make them sound effortless

John

My SoundClick Page

Collaborations

" It's easier than waiting around to die" Townes Van Zandt


   
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(@chefie)
Prominent Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 553
Topic starter  

Thanks everyone for your comments and suggestions.

David - As always, point on suggestions. And I can't tell you how much I yearned to rhyme rang with thang . . . .

Vic - Thanks, my friend . . . . . although I do miss that part of you that is always challenging me to do something different.

Neil


   
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