Under the failing grey sky we stood
The rain collected in our hoods
And I didn't care how cold I was
So for you I took my coat off
We walked for what seemed like a day
Stepped in puddles that got in our way
And although I went home with a chill
It was worth it to see you my dear
I didn't change my clothes all week
The smell of you kept me from sleep
And I didn't care how tired I was
The thought of you held me up
So imagine how much I cried
When you told me I think I went blind
And although you had a very nice day
Just friends is all that we'll stay
So that's how everything goes
Now I simply cant stand the cold
And I don't care if its all in the past
I'd still take you back if you asked
And now the rain comes close to my tears
But the thunder is nowhere near
And although the winter has been harsher
Tell the sky to rain harder
Awsome song! But the part about don't changing clothes disturbed me, but I can see th meaning in it. Good Job
I thought you had a really good view on this week's assingment. I liked the song, but some parts didn't flow neatly to me. I think it would be better if you didn't use the word 'and' that much in the beginning of some lines. It made it sound sloppily put together (which is bad, because the song is really good!)And, it seemed that some words sounded forced to be there just because they rhymed.
And I didn't care how tired I was
The thought of you held me up
Really liked this line. I thought the ending was awesome. After reading the first verse I was thinking to myself that this was going to be just another love song, but the story played out very well. In the end, the rain reminds you of the pain of being dumped (not to be harsh). Brilliant. With some minor alterations of word usage and making it flow better, this will become an excellent song! (and I may be wrong. It may flow just fine when you sing it.) Keep it up!
There's a thin fine line between hate and rage.
Now watch the line be crossed and break!
thank you for your comments! yeah i wanted it to be a little story that flowed nicely! so i think i got that across with maybe only a few faults
Guitargeek,
Good song I like the story and the way it moves along.
Pierson made a good point about the word "and" it really isn't necessary
anywhere you used it.
I like the title and the way it works in at the end.
Good Job
Celt
Very minor quibble......you use rhyming couplets (loosely in a couple of places, but they work!)....but you seem to lose it completely in a couple of places....last two lines of the first verse, and the second couplet of the second verse.....
Like I said though, these are only minor points....story's great, not over-laden with imagery but there's enough to keep the reader thinking....and like Celt pointed out, I also like the way you worked the title in at the end, gives a nice sense of "Do your worst! I don't care anymore!"
:D :D :D
Vic
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
